27. What to do when you're feeling stuck in healing

The episode emphasizes the non-linear nature of healing, the importance of being present in the process rather than fixated on outcomes, and offers practical tips for moving through stuckness, such as making intentional shifts, reflecting through journaling, and avoiding rash decisions. In this episode, I share a personal journey of struggling with resistance and feeling stuck in various aspects of life, including health and daily activities. I describe how attempts to power through tasks often lead to increased fatigue and brain fog, signaling deeper emotions that need addressing. 

Resources & Links:

• FREE Top 3 tips to regulate your nervous system Training
• Work with us in therapy or coaching
• Curable: https://getcurable.com/healwithgrace

Connect with Grace:

• Connect on Instagram
• Check out my website

Transcript

Hello, welcome back. Today's episode is going to be a little bit different. I am going to share with you my process and how I've been getting unstuck and not just my health, but honestly, in life. And today is a great example. I, I, I have really been working on my schedule to make it work for me instead of feeling so chaotic with it.

And today was the day. That I was supposed to like, I cleared everything. No meetings, no clients. I cleared everything to record a few different podcasts so I could kind of batch them and have them ready to go.

Yeah, that didn't happen. I felt so stuck. I literally did everything else other than sit down to record. I even did sit down and I just, I couldn't do it. I had a huge resistance in me and tried to power through. I was like, just get some, just get some caffeine. Like let's just make this work. Right. you know, you need to do it.

And sometimes there are things we have to do. We don't always want to do. That's life, right? Obviously. Even though I do love this podcast, sometimes, yeah, I just gotta get it out. But I couldn't move through the block. I even started getting fatigued. Actual brain fog started coming on. That's my brain nervous system trying to protect me a little bit.

That's my 1 tell my biggest symptom for me is when I sit down to do something or, like I sit down to journal, I'll start to get this kind of like overall brain foggy fatigue. And I'm just like, nope, we're not going to do that today. We're not going to do that. So I wanted to come on and share this journey, this even just this example of today, because I think it's really important to talk about when we're talking about healing, like, when we get stuck in our healing, because we know that killing is not a trajectory meaning.

I mean, it is not a. You know, we start at the bottom and we automatically just go straight up once we learn all of these tools and we get better and better every day. It doesn't work like that. You know, I mean, it goes up and down and it turns around and sometimes we feel like we're going backwards and sometimes we feel like it's never working.

And then sometimes we feel on top of the world because we feel so much better. That's part of the process. But I want to talk specifically about when this resistance is coming in. So. Cool. Also, I just have to say, I have a very strong resistant part of me. I have a very strong rebel part of me. Even my parents will say that.

They said, you always, ever since you were a kid, if there's something you don't want to do, you're going to find a way not to do it. And on the flip side, oftentimes, if I want to do something, I will find a way to do it. So I have a strong will in that way. And that's shown up in all different parts of my life, right?

Good and hard. It's helped me, it's supported me in ways and it really hasn't helped me in other ways. And so my resistance, my rebel part of me was really showing up today, almost like a childlike part. Like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to sit down. I don't want to work, you know? And sometimes I really cannot move that resistant child part of me.

And I was getting pretty frustrated and then I was like, all right, I guess I surrender to this. Yes. Let's just lean into the not doing. There's a reason why this is happening. Well, I'll just lean into it. So I went for a walk. I actually took a short nap because. I love naps. And I was like, oh, no, there's something underneath that needs to come out and I, I really had to understand what were those feelings that were bubbling up or what was that resistance that was there?

And so I want to talk you through that. You through that process. But first I just have to say that part of what I recognized was, I was really trying to power through this morning. I was like, okay, let me just, you know, get some caffeine. Let me like move through this, but that doesn't work very well. Like that does not work when we try to power through our healing or something that we have to do things that we think we're supposed to be doing, whether that be therapy, somatic practices, brain training, your nervous system and your brain are way smarter than that.

So if you sit down to do some type of like somatic practice to help get through a pain cycle and the goal and the expectation is, okay, I'm just going to get through this so that my pain will go away. Your brain will actually be like, Nope, not going to let it go away because that's not the point of the practice.

I've had that happen multiple times where I'm like, okay, I know what to do. Let me just talk to my brain. Let me do some brain training. Let me do a somatic practice and, and help us go away. And I just, I moved through it without actually being connected to the practice and in the moment and in the process of it, and it doesn't end up working.

So I want to talk through why that's why that happens and also like how to move through it. So for instance, today, my brain was way smarter. There were feelings underneath the surface that needed to come out before I could actually sit down and record episodes. By the way, this was this episode specifically was not planned.

I had other topics that I was going to talk about and I still will, but that's not happening today. So, this was supposed to be a whole other episode, but here we are. And actually, I think this is really important. The more that we force, the more that our rebel side will come out of us, the more the protector part will come out and that protector rebel part sometimes can be in forms of procrastination symptoms like fatigue, pain, negative thoughts, ruminating thoughts.

Things like that, that'll stop you from doing the work that maybe you think you're supposed to be doing, or maybe it is actually good work. Right? I'm not saying that it's a sign that you shouldn't do it. Today, it's not a sign that I should not have done those episodes. It just means there's something else underneath that I had to get to 1st to help relieve it so that I can have more space mentally, physically, emotionally to actually do the work I wanted to do.

So to actually find success in our healing, we have to go through the process without the expectation of outcome. So for me right now, I needed to sit down and record this without thinking, is this going to perform best? How will people respond? You know, what's the best podcast episode for higher ratings or how do I get my video to look better?

Because I've had a lot of issues with my lighting. And while those are all actually important questions, they actually, they very much so are. They were really keeping me from being present and actually leaning into the messages and fully being authentic as I share, like I'm doing now. And so I, when I went down to journal, sat down to journal, there was actually a lot that came out.

I journal about, I'm not going to share everything, but I journal about like how frustrated I am sometimes when my rebel side comes out and my procrastination comes out and why can't I just be that person that works and works and doesn't get fatigued or gets to handle all the things on their to do list and doesn't get tired after a couple hours.

You know, I, I got really frustrated with myself and I got really frustrated on that journal prompt or I mean on my, while I was journaling. And then the frustration turned into sadness and grief and anger and all of these other things. And I actually had a lot of emotion come out, which honestly I had no idea what that was there.

I mean, I've been feeling pretty good this week. Didn't really think much was there, but man, when I have these high expectations for myself for what I'm doing and. I don't realize that I'm putting so much pressure on them. That's usually when my protective parts will come out. That's usually when our resistance will come out and that could be again in forms of procrastination, fatigue, pain, things like that.

And so the whole point of what I'm talking about. Is understanding how to move through our healing, instead of having this goal and this expectation over here a year later, tomorrow, today, end of today, whatever goal you have, if we always have the goal in mind, and we expect ourselves to get there in a certain way, our brain, our nervous system is going to be like, Nope, Nope, you can't have that perfect outcome happen.

That's not life. So while it's. I want to say this too, while it's important to have goals, a hundred percent, we definitely goals in our healing. And especially if you're healing symptoms, like, yeah, we want to get out of those patterns, but if all you're doing is going through the motions and you're not actually in the process and in the healing, it doesn't really work.

So if I'm just bypassing the whole point of me sitting here and sharing messages, I'm I'm just bypassing the actual authentic voice that I have and sharing and the meaning behind this. And actually the whole reason I started this podcast was to just share information to help people understand how to heal.

And if I just kind of move through that and bypass it and just put out information I think is helpful or. that will create better ratings that at least for me, it's hard for me to do that. It's not the actual point of me sitting here and doing this the same with healing. If you're just doing the work you think you're supposed to be doing, but you're not fully connected to it, it doesn't work.

So for an example in healing. There are certain practices called, somatic tracking or, like brain training when you're talking to yourself or like when you're doing a meditation or a breathing practice to help soothe your nervous system, but you're just going through the motions. You're just listening to the words and you're trying to breathe, but you're frustrated during it, or you're just trying to get through it.

Right? You're just trying to get through it instead of actually being in the breath and actually feeling the breath. And actually becoming curious about your body, then if you're not fully present, it does not work. Your nervous system will not relax. Your brain will not relax. I've had that happen too many times where, especially in the beginning of my journey when I'd have some pain pop up or a headache and I would go in and do my practice and just be like, okay, okay, let's just do it.

Let's just do it. Let's get through this. Like, I have a meeting in 10 minutes and I need this pain to go away. At least for me, it didn't end up working. not really, maybe kind of will take the edge off, but it wouldn't really soothe me because I'm not being present with it. Because the whole point of these practices is not to eliminate the pain.

The whole point of these practices and of your healing journey is to become more present with yourself. Become more present with your body to have a better relationship with yourself. And so when we can do that, when we can become present with our body, speak the language of our body and give it soothing and nurturing and give our inner self, our inner parts, our inner child, presence that we need, that healing and compassion that we need.

That's when whatever needs to shift will shift. That's when our symptoms don't show up as much because our symptoms used to protect those parts of us that were hard. And when our symptoms protect those parts, that's because we're not listening to those parts. We're being really critical of those parts, critical of ourselves.

But again, the whole point is to come back home to you to have a better relationship with yourself and your body and your life. And then from there, your body doesn't have to be in so much pain. So when we're present, when we're in tune and we slow down and we're engaged and we're grounded in our body.

That's when things can actually shift. So today when I had, you know, these topics, 1, 2, and 3, I needed to bust out and get done, sat down with coffee and like, Was really going to get into it wasn't really connected to actually what I was sharing. I thought I was going to be, but I wasn't because I was so focused on, like, knocking them out and getting things done and moving on to the next thing.

So, that might not be everyone's process. I get it. There are plenty of people who probably could go move through it, knock them out and still be connected. That's just not me. That's not how I work fortunately, and maybe sometimes unfortunately. I actually think it really does help me because when I can't do it that way, it means that I have to look at myself.

I have to slow down and breathe and be able to think, you know what, or feel, have an exhale and feel, okay, what's, what's going on here. That resistance, that block is showing up for a reason. And y'all I'm serious. It really is in a very childlike like rebel part. Like I was sitting here earlier just being like, I don't want to do this.

I don't want to do this. Scrolling on my phone, cleaning my place, doing whatever. So my point being like, when those parts come up, when those things come up, give yourself some compassion and some grace and some kindness because they're there for a reason. They're there for you to look a little bit deeper.

And I know I say this too, with love, because I also know that That's not always possible. We do live in the reality of life, and sometimes you just got to get through life. You just got to get things done, right? Definitely have those times and days.I just hope that this hits you in a way that you recognize sometimes, okay, the process of going through it is so much more important than the actual outcome. The outcomes will follow if you're in the process. Yeah. Okay. So I want to share with you a few tips to help you move through this because sometimes this is a little abstract.

Right? So like, what are actually some things that you can do when you feel stuck? Number one, when you're stuck, whether that's literally within your day, within life in general, do something different. If it's in the moment, if you're in the middle of your day and you're feeling so stuck, whether that's in work or you're really feeling a symptom coming on and you're in a lot of pain or something, but whatever you're trying to do isn't really working and you're just trying to force it to stop.

Literally just stop what you're doing and change shift change. I call it shift change in the moment. I don't care how many things you have on your to do list. Get up, walk around. Go outside, go get something to eat, to drink, whatever it is, shift yourself out of the forceful place that you're in. Now, what you do actually is important.

It doesn't necessarily do anything because you don't always want, you don't want to numb out either. You don't want to necessarily dissociate. You do want to do something intentional that's going to help you move. This energy, this stuck energy, and so that is why you want it to be a little bit more reflective or in the moment, right?

I don't want you to get on your phone and scroll, even though believe me, I just did that today, but it wasn't the best for me. I ended up doing something different to actually shift me into this place where I'm here and able to share. So that means listening to music, breathing, getting up, walking around, something that can engage your mind and your body in the present moment, but is not the thing that you were trying to force yourself to do.

If you're in a general place in your life where you're feeling stuck like all the time, and it's not just one place like career or symptoms or something, apply this overall. So ask yourself, like, how much rest and downtime are you getting? How is your schedule looking? Is it possible to shift some things around in your schedule?

So, for instance, I just actually did this. I, I didn't necessarily move things off my calendar, but I did move things around. So I was having a lot of. Just kind of like chaos. Like sometimes I'd have client calls. Sometimes I'd have time to report a podcast. Sometimes I'd have admin work and they all were like jumbled throughout the day.

And I just felt chaotic. Couldn't ever really felt like I could get anything done, especially when it came to writing something or creating content for y'all or anything like that. So I had a real serious talk and sit down with myself and my calendar and structured it in the best way that I could. And I understand.

That this isn't always possible for people, but I do want you to try and figure out what can be possible for you. Within your day within your schedule. So that means too, when you're having a lot of, when you're having really difficult symptoms for a few days, and then all of a sudden, or maybe not all of a sudden, maybe you've been doing some good work, but you start to feel better, right?

You have a couple of good days. That's fantastic. But oftentimes what I find is when we have a couple of good days, then we want to try and do everything. We want to try and get the to do list done. We want to see our people. We want to go move our bodies. We want to do all the things which then actually stresses us out more and then pushes us into symptoms.

So balance and rest and flow and your life and your day to day and your schedule are so, so important for your nervous system. It really needs that flow. I have really recognized for me. I am not a person that can work multiple. I say multiple, like I'm not an eight hour a day working person. And to be honest, that used to be so embarrassing to say, well, I used to work way more than eight hours a day.

I pushed myself and I burn out surprise, surprise. But my point being like, you just have to own what works for you. If you can't, great. I have a friend, a friend that, man, she's so lit up by working 10 hours a day. She loves it. Right. For me, I can't do that. Even though I love what I do, it's just not going to work.

So you have to find out what's best for your nervous system, for your flow in life. And seasons change, weeks, change months, years change, right? But what's best for you and your health and your life and your family and yourself. Number 3 is trust the process and I have said this throughout this episode already and I know that it sucks sometimes.

Trust the process because it can be a little scary. You don't know exactly what's happening at the end of the process or what's around the corner, but sometimes you have to, again, trusting the process means you're actually giving yourself what you need instead of expecting something and then always looking around the corner.

Is it coming? Is it coming? Is it here? Is it here? So every time you're expecting an outcome, A very specific outcome on a specific timeline. You're never actually present in your healing, which then if you're not present and you're healing, you can't actually get the outcome. See what I'm saying? So we have to lean into the process and trust the process, even when it feels like it's not really working.

We're not seeing a lot of progress. You have to keep leaning in and trusting lean on your support systems. Lean on your practices, know that what you're doing, as long as you're doing it from a place of compassion and empathy and presence and leaning back into yourself. You're on the right journey.

Next really important. 1 is some kind of reflection practice. That could be journaling. That could be speaking out loud, talking to a therapist. I did an episode on journaling episode 23. Where it's really important to help you get out those. Nasty quote unquote feelings that you feel like you can't say.

So, like, today, when I actually did a journaling practice, I got out all the, like, the anger and the hate that I didn't fully know that was there, even though it might not be truth. For instance, I was like, I hate my job right now. I don't want to do this. I'm too overwhelmed, can't handle it, which is not actually true.

It's just those feelings underneath the surface needed to come out so that they could be relieved. So now I can actually be in the work. So having some sort of reflection, like being able to get feelings out when we usually suppress them, we usually repress emotions. Again, go back to episode 23 to listen about how to journal and why.

We need to get out feelings in that way, especially any kind of feeling process or journey that you're on. We need that to come out because when there's resistance, there's always request emotion. There's always something underneath the surface because our resistance is protecting us from something. And last but not least, when you're stuck, don't make rash decisions on switching up tactics.

If you're with a therapist or a coach, or you're in a program, don't go switch the next day to something else or cancel it. Give it time. When you're stuck in resistance, when you're in a low period, it's not a place to make a decision because you don't have what you don't have part of access to your executive functioning brain, which is our decision making brain to actually make the right, authentic decision for yourself.

So when you're stuck, when you're in a low place, it's not a time for decisions. It's a time to wait, wait on decisions, move through the process, move through that place, and then give yourself time feel if you feel similarly about it. If you really, you know, after some time you're not in that stuck low place and you're like, no, actually, I do know that this program or this technique or this coach or therapist is not working for me.

Then it's the time to switch, then it's the time to make a change, but not when you're in the low period, not when you're stuck. When you're stuck, it really feels like something needs to change very much so. Oh, I know that deeply. I've done that so many times. I now know I don't allow myself to make decisions from this place of stuckness, of frustration, of sadness, of low.

that's just not the time we need to give ourselves space.

When you're in this place, the most important thing you can do is not expect yourself to be anywhere else than where you are, even though that might be hard as well. You're here for a reason. Resistance is a learning process. It's, I know this might sound hard to lean into, but resistance can be a gift. It can actually be a gift if you can move through it and feel it and understand it.

Then actually change can come from that authentic change can come from that. So I hope this was helpful when you're stuck. I know it's so hard to be in those places, but when you're stuck, give yourself the love that you deserve. And if you have any questions, you know, where to find me DM me on Instagram.

there's also a place on our website, elevate therapy wellness. com on the podcast web. Page, there's a place where you can ask questions. You can send us a question and I'll make it a podcast episode. So let me know. What do you want to hear? What's really important to you and thank you so much for listening.

I will talk to you next time.