Chapter four R why are relationships important to my health? How did life change for you during COVID? At a minimum, you probably learned how to use Zoom or another online video platform In the blink of an eye. We were all taken away from our friends, classmates, teammates, churches and more. As hard as everyone tried, online education was a bust and seeing friends over FaceTime wasn't the same as real life. About two weeks after the lockdown began, my college girlfriends and I officially canceled our annual trip. We are spread throughout the country and try hard to see each other in person once a year. I know there were much more serious issues our country was dealing with at that time, but I couldn't stop crying the day we canceled. My friends, both near and far, mean the world to me and a Zoom meetup just wasn't the same. Relationships matter.
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If you're wondering how this conversation fits into a health-focused book, hang with me. Let's talk about two areas of relationships that are critical to healthy mindsets and lifestyles. One relationship with God. I will be the first to tell you that, even as I write about all things health, I am not perfect at all things health. Sometimes I don't fully pay attention to what I'm eating and find myself over full. I don't always get a workout in and from time to time I still struggle with what I see in the mirror. But even on those days I struggle, I can still lean into my relationship with God. By the way, this goes for days you might struggle with God. In general, he's not afraid of your doubts and dark thoughts, so try telling him about those feelings. If I don't have God guiding my steps each day, I have no idea where I'm going. This is the vertical relationship that's critical to me. It's not a list of do's and don'ts and earning my way to eternal life. Rather, it's knowing that God delights in me and has a plan and purpose for me, even if I don't know what that is.
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There's no recipe or formula to growing this relationship. Reading his word in the Bible is helpful. So is just talking to God like you would talk to your best friend. Making time and space to do this helps you hear him. It's hard to hear God's whispers when everything around us is so noisy, not sure where to begin in the Bible. Start with the book of John. It's a great account of Jesus's life and lets you see him in action as the loving person he was. Staying close to God helps you keep perspective about your health. When I approach my health through the lens of my core strength and my relationship with the one who created me, rather than the latest Instagram ad, I'm more focused, centered and peaceful and I can better focus on all the other aspects of my core strength.
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Two relationships with others. Why was I so so weepy when my friends and I canceled our trip because of COVID? In hindsight I can see how lonely I was. I couldn't see any of my friends in person. I missed hugs and laughter and confiding and trusted friends. But I wasn't alone. And even if you felt lonely pandemic or no pandemic you're not alone.
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Some reports state that Gen Z is the loneliest age group and that 65% of Gen Z or Zoomers, sometimes, or always, feel lonely. What does this have to do with our health? Loneliness is a one-two punch, attacking both your mental and physical health. In fact, being lonely can have similar effects to being an alcoholic or smoking 15 cigarettes per day Yikes. But here's the problem Good friends can be hard to find.
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Sure, you may have your ride or dies that have been with you since you were all in diapers, but those can be few and far between Middle school seems to shake up friendships, then rinse and repeat when you begin high school and after you graduate. A friend of mine once said anyone who has been through middle school has experienced low-grade trauma. I'm raising my hand over here remembering the time I found a wad of spit in my hair, and I think you may be raising your hand as well for your own reasons. I really hope you never found spit in your hair. That was so gross and embarrassing.
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Relationships with others are the horizontal relationships we reach out to, rather than the vertical relationships we have with God, whom we look up to. How can we create trusted horizontal relationships? Here are a few ideas to get you going. Friends need to earn each other's trust. Start with small things. Oh my gosh. I snorted while laughing about genes with a G versus genes with a J in biology today. Before moving on to the big things, I'm really struggling and feel depressed. Find activities where you're doing something side by side. Personally, I love walks with friends because it can feel awkward to look someone in the eye for an entire conversation. I call these walk-in talks.
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Some of my closest in-person friendships have developed on the sidewalks of my neighborhood. Reach out to a teammate you enjoy practicing with and see if they want to work on drills, or to a fellow theater friend to run lines. The one-on-one or small group time is a good way to get to know each other better. Faith-based small groups can be a great place to connect and cut through the superficial stuff. Ask your youth group leader if they have any groups you can join or, better yet, start your own with a Bible study and a leader guide. If you're not plugged into a church, explore apps like the YouVersion Bible or Minted Truth. You can even grab the discussion guide to this book link is in the resource guide and go through it with a few friends. There is a time and place for online friendships, but let those supplement your in-person friendships rather than replace them. If you have good, trusted friends who have moved, though, keep in touch. Some of my closest friends are those I made in college. We live all over the country, but connect via walk and talks and texts.
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This is a good time to acknowledge that not all friendships and relationships are unicorns and rainbows. Again, middle school trauma is real. It takes time for anyone to develop deep, meaningful relationships. What do we get when we intersect our vertical relationship with with our horizontal relationship with others. Yes, my friend, we get the cross. Developing both types of relationships gives us the fullness God has for us. Investing in healthy relationships with God and others is an important part of our physical, emotional and mental health. Unfortunately, sometimes our relationships with others can get tricky, which is why we'll be discussing boundaries next.
