Last week I shared my latest battle (and arsenal) with body image issues. If you heard it and wondered "well, why don't you just lose the weight?" I understand the questions.
But I'm not.
As I've immersed myself in the latest research and findings, I'm changing my attitude about weight loss.
Today I'm sharing six research-backed and six mindset-based reasons why I'm not choosing to chase the scale.
Last week I shared my latest battle (and arsenal) with body image issues. If you heard it and wondered "well, why don't you just lose the weight?" I understand the questions.
But I'm not.
As I've immersed myself in the latest research and findings, I'm changing my attitude about weight loss.
Today I'm sharing six research-backed and six mindset-based reasons why I'm not choosing to chase the scale.
Hey there, welcome to the graced health podcast, your source for aging strong in your physical, mental and spiritual health. My name is Amy Connell. I'm a weight neutral, certified personal trainer and nutrition coach who loves walks with friends, chocolate and Jesus. Whether you're looking to grow stronger as you age, nourish your body, mind and spirit, or fit all the pieces of your health together to holistically thrive, this is the place for women over 40. I'm here to guide you in the areas I can and bring on experts in the areas I'm still learning, and, of course, we cover it all in a whole lot of grace. I'm glad you're here and, by the way, if you're new here, I invite you to check out season 19, which started January 9th 2024, to fully understand the foundation of this show. In short, this this is the Cliff Notes version. This is a grace-filled, christ-centered show focusing on women over 40 who want to age resiliently, in a holistic way. And then, after you listen to that, be sure to check out the episode called 30 Plus Non-Gym Ways to Improve your Health for Women Over 40. And you can grab that free download. That goes with it. All of those links are in the show notes. That goes with it. All of those links are in the show notes.
Speaker 1:
I used to be an expert on parenting, and particularly an expert on parenting babies and toddlers. When was I this expert? It was before I had children. Who is with me? These are some of the things that I said before I had kids. My children will never have food dripping down their mouth. My children will never wear their clothes inside out. What kind of parent lets their children wear their clothes inside out to target? Yeah, good ones, by the way. Good ones because they're letting their child dress themselves. Oh, here's a good one my child, when I'm ready to potty train, will be potty trade in one day, because a friend of mine had a friend who read a book who taught you how to potty train in one day. And so I'm going to follow that book and I will potty train my child in one day. And I'm going to pause for laughter here, because if you have ever done that with your child, if you have potty trained a young one, a toddler, a preschooler yeah, it takes a lot longer than one day.
Speaker 1:
It wasn't until I became a mom that I learned to give so much grace to new moms and probably the very best piece of wisdom I received from one of my friends. One time is when you are in the grocery store, when you are in Target, when you are out and that kid is throwing a fit, the kindest, most compassionate thing we can say to that mom, if anything needs to be said, is some days are better than others, and I just feel like that just gives so much grace for the situation, because some days really are better than others. As I am walking through the perimenopause phase and entering into, I'm sure in a few years, full menopause, some days are better than others. I shared last week that I recently have had a just a body image breakdown and some of the arsenal, some of the pieces of arsenal that I am using to fight back. And, quite honestly, fight is an intentional term because this is an attack, and while I am not one who thinks that the enemy is lurking around every corner, I do believe that the enemy is out to pick fights when he gets uncomfortable and I've been saying some uncomfortable things about how God loves us and how our body just needs to be able to do what it's called to do and not necessarily look a certain way, because when better does the enemy have us wrapped up when we are so focused on what we look like and so focused on our size, just like having babies and children gave me so much grace for new moms. I have a lot of grace for women in menopause who say things like I woke up one day and gained a ton of weight. Because you know what? I am right there with you. My body size has increased fairly significantly over the past two years, really so much so that my older son graduated from high school two years ago and I know the pair of pants I wore, because I have pictures of his graduation day and I went to put them on recently. I couldn't even get the button and whatever you call the thing that you put the button in, like within inches, like it wouldn't even go so far apart. This was not a surprise. I prepared my heart and mind for this to happen. So I was at that moment, because some days are better than others. At that moment I was in a space to laugh it off. But let me tell you this has been a challenge for me. Again. You can go back and listen to last week's episode.
Speaker 1:
I am no longer in between, like, sometimes I'm a small, sometimes a medium, like just solid medium. I'm not even looking at the smalls. I am buying bigger clothes. I recently purchased new bras. Third Love, which is probably my favorite retailer for a lot of different reasons, had a great sale and I got three new bras in a band size bigger and half a cup bigger as well. Like every, everything is just bigger.
Speaker 1:
I'm also throwing out the old sports bras that are so tight that they're leaving marks and I'm just smushed in. And they're so tight that when I put them over my head because it's like they're just the kind that you pull over your head I have a hard time like reaching back and pulling it down because it's so tight. Like why, why, why do I have these? I do not know, because you know what. Walmart has wonderful sports bras and I have found some that I really like. Why don't I just go buy some new sports bras?
Speaker 1:
And I recognize the privilege in this Like I recognize that not everybody can do that and it kind of stinks. Like those pants that I wore to my older son's graduation two years ago. They're cute pants and I hate that. I wore them like once or maybe twice and now they don't fit and they're sitting in my closet. I've talked to friends who are like I just want my clothes to fit. I get it. I get it. I grieve my old body size. If I'm honest, I'm a little fearful of my future body size because I'm sitting here going like, if this has been the change in the last two years, like what does it look like two years from now and two years after that? And I have been told, like my GP, my general practitioner who's awesome, she's like Amy, things settle out, don't worry. I've I've had some encouraging words from clients who are older than I am, so I know that's not realistic, but of course, that's the way that my mind spins.
Speaker 1:
I truly believe that health is so much more than just our weight. Health is demonstrated in our blood metrics How's your HDL, your LDL, your triglycerides, your A1C, your glucose, how are your hormones? And, of course, there's so many more. But how are these things showing up in your blood, which tells a much more complete story than body size or body weight? How's your sleep? Also, how's your mental health? And these are all things, by the way, that I'm trying to teach the young women who are reading your Core Strength. I have a whole chapter on how do I know, if I'm healthy. So these are things that I'm trying to instill in them, so maybe, maybe we can plant a seed so they're not dealing with all of this nonsense and making podcast episodes about this kind of stuff when they are 49 years old.
Speaker 1:
I say all of that and at the same time, I recognize the duality of last week's episode and this week's episode, which last week's was boo-hoo. I'm frustrated body image, junk, nonsense. Here's some things I'm doing to fight it. And in this week's episode, I'm saying I'm not going to try to lose weight, because if you're of my age, then probably the natural inclination is to say, well, why don't you try to lose weight? Like, if you're unhappy with that, why don't you try to lose weight, which I felt like deserved its own episode? So that's what I want to talk about today.
Speaker 1:
Before I do, though, I want to just hold space. I want to hold space for those of you who listen and still may want to check the scale, still may think but if I could just get a few pounds, or if I could lose some weight, and, if I'm honest, if I woke up tomorrow morning and my body size was back to where it was a couple years ago I would not complain. And how that integrates into this conversation. I don't know. I realize that sounds conflicting with the message of today's episodes, but it's just the truth. Again, I am here today to share with you where I am today because, again, some days are better than others and just kind of the decisions that I'm making and I recognize they're not all going to make sense to everyone and I completely get that and I completely understand and get those of you who are struggling with this and struggling with accepting changes and just not really sure how you feel about that.
Speaker 1:
I had a friend say one time she was talking about I don't remember exactly what it was, but she was talking about weight loss and she said, amy, I know weight isn't your thing, but and then kind of went on to talk about things so if you're like in the butt section, like, but I still would like to change mine, then that's okay. Like we can have different thoughts and we can have different, different things. Like weight is not my thing, if weight is your thing, we can still sit at the same table. My older son says this all the time two things, two opposing things, can exist in the same space. We can all exist in the same space. So I don't want you to feel shamed. Like I'm not trying to shame you if weight is your thing, like I'm not trying to shame you if weight is your thing, if the scale is something that you are focused on, I get it. I get it, I get it. I'm just here to share my journey of where I am right now and the decisions I am making right now. I have done this long enough and I have put out enough content to recognize that we change and we grow and there may be some things that in the future I would change about what I'm saying today, and that's okay. So wherever you land or stand or feel about weight and like the actual gravitational pull of your body toward Earth, which is all weight is, then that's okay. So we can be here together. I just want to share with you why my choice today is not to try to lose weight.
Speaker 1:
I've been planning on doing this episode for several weeks, even before the body image breakdown, and as I was writing down just ideas and thoughts and reasons, they fell into two different categories. One of them was more the research back and the science backed reasons, and then the other is the mindset. So I want to start with some of what the research says, because this has been surprising to me. This has been a learning curve. I will tell you upfront some of what the research says, because this has been surprising to me. This has been a learning curve. I will tell you upfront, some of this is very different than what we have learned or what we see. Depending on who you follow on Instagram, it may be very different from that. Let's talk about some of the research I have come across and really this has probably been the last year year and a half max and this is why, at the beginning of this year 2024, I said Look, we are an intuitive eating podcast, because the more I'm learning, the more I'm realizing that this just kind of makes sense.
Speaker 1:
The first reason that I have chosen not to try to lose the perimenopause weight is diet suck. That's actually that's an overall reason. Specifically, more they will lead to restrictive behaviors. They can lead to obsessive behaviors, things like skipping meals, ignoring hunger cues, exercising way too much rather than promoting nourishment. If you've been with me a long time, if you have read your Worthy Body, I talked about intermittent fasting. I did do that for a while and stopped. I love breakfast, I nourish myself, I feel better when I have breakfast, and then, of course, the latest science from the American Heart Association is saying oh no, actually, this is really bad on your heart. So it was not a long time, but it was long enough for it to be recorded forever and ever, amen, in my book. But that's okay. So I am not going to restrict, I am not going to you know what. I was obsessive for a long time. That's the whole reason that graced health exists Because I was so obsessive about so many things. I'm not interested in dieting, I'm not interested in doing that to my body and to my mind.
Speaker 1:
Another research backed reason is our body is designed to have homeostasis. Our body is designed to be at that at a certain point, at a certain size. There's that set point theory that says that our body is going to fight to stay at a genetically predetermined size. So what happens when we lose weight? Well, our metabolism will slow down because, number one, our body size is different and so we need less. But also, like it's like whoa we're, we're getting below where we want to be. You know, we're gonna, we might be slowing down this metabolism.
Speaker 1:
And then the other thing that is interesting is it can impact our hormones that respond to fullness and satiety. So ghrelin or ghrelin I use different variations of it, I don't really know why, but ghrelin or ghrelin, however you want to say it, that is a hunger hormone. So that is what kicks in when we start growling and saying like, okay, I need food, my body is out of energy. Leptin is the hormone that says, okay, we've had enough, we're satisfied, let's stop. So I remember like growling, growling and leptin, let's stop. But when we start to restrict and start to have this obsessive behavior, that can impact our hormones and so our hormones, things are not working right. The hormones that say, hey, you're hungry, hey, let's stop, those don't work as well or as efficiently and so those are kind of off. So if we don't have our internal mechanisms to say eat, stop, then it's going to be harder to listen to our body, because our body is not going to be saying no, what we, what it needs. I hope that makes sense.
Speaker 1:
Oftentimes diets will have like you can't have this and it's like full on restriction. How many of us have heard of diets that are like, okay, you can't have gluten or dairy or sugar or corn or soy, like there's. There's so many different things of like full on restriction. Now, obviously, if your body has a reason, like a medical condition, for not to have those, then don't have them. Like I don't as much as I think highly of dairy products and whey protein, my body just doesn't work with very well with that. So, yeah, I do restrict it, but I do it because I know it doesn't make me feel well. Yeah, I do restrict it, but I do it because I know it doesn't make me feel well. When we restrict, what can often happen is it will turn into binging on the other end. So it's like, rather than saying okay, I'm not going to have any chocolate ever, when we completely take out a piece of food or a food group, then that can rebound into eating way more than we need, whereas if we said, okay, I'm just going to have a small amount of this because I can and I'm going to enjoy it and savor it and be satisfied for it by it and then move on, then it's just not going to be so much of a psychological issue.
Speaker 1:
Another reason revolves around this 3500 calories, or calories in and calories out, math that I grew up with. I heard I have coached. I now actually don't focus on that. In the first draft of your core strength was this whole concept of 3500 calories. I have since taken out pretty much any reference to calories, but Leslie Schilling was gracious enough to go through and kind of go through it I joke that she was the diet culture head of the FBI for me with that book and she said actually that has been debunked that 3500 calories is equal to one pound of adipose or body fat and that actually is a lot more nuanced.
Speaker 1:
Now when we diet we're pretty much focusing on calories in and calories out, and there's just a lot of factors beyond that, like genetics, your food environment, your social factors, like all of these play a role in weight regulation. That isn't just calories in, calories out. I mean, obviously there is some energy management by our body that will result in body composition or size, but it's just it's not so structured like getting on to whatever your favorite food tracking app and tracking all of that again doesn't allow for the nuance of our bodies. And also, fun fact the FDA allows for calorie estimates to be off by as much as 20%. So if you're looking at a label and it says Okay, this is 200 calories, it might be, or it might be 160 calories, or it might be 240 calories. And so if we're making decisions based off of what a calculator in a computer that we're holding in our hand says, rather than making decisions based off of our body and the feedback that it provides, then there's a good chance that we're going to be off. So all of those things like with the calories and calories out 3500 calories, that the 20% like it just doesn't to me make sense to try to diet per the fitness tracker or per counting calories, because there's just a lot of nuance with that.
Speaker 1:
Another reason that I'm choosing not to lose weight and this actually may be the primary reason is it depends on the statistics, but you will see anywhere between 90 to 97% of people who lose weight through dieting will regain it within two to five years, and many will end up heavier than when they started. I do not say this to be discouraging. If you have recently made some lifestyle changes and your body size or composition has changed. I do want to hold space for someone who has just made some changes in their life. Maybe they are eating more nutritionally dense foods. Maybe they're eating more vegetables and fiber and protein and fueling themselves better. And maybe they're eating more vegetables and fiber and protein and fueling themselves better. And maybe they're moving and this is a new lifestyle for them. And it may be that that is not true for them because they have gone from one lifestyle and changed it to another nether. So I do want to hold space for situations like that.
Speaker 1:
For me, I feel like an economics principle I learned in college is probably most applicable, and that is the law of diminishing returns and that basically says as an investment in a particular area increases, the rate of profit from that investment after a certain point will not continue to increase if everything else remains constant and your rate of return will actually begin to decrease. So in my Amy world, with with health and weight and all of that kind of stuff, I feel like there's some diminishing returns of the investment of my time and my energy. From where I am right now, I am checking a lot of boxes from a health perspective. Am I checking them all? No, but that's by choice. That's because I know for me, if I was going to check every single health box all the time, that would take my heart into a pattern and an obsessive behavior that I don't want to do anymore. I've spent my time doing that. Part of my journey is being obsessive and part of my journey is just focusing way more on this kind of stuff than I want to, and I don't want to do that I. That's not how I want to spend my day, and we'll talk about that here in the mindset in a second. But I am not willing at this point in my life to focus, to do more and more and more and constantly change the variables. So the output or the weight loss is there, like I'm, just there's not a whole lot I can change right now. Are there some things? Yes, but there's just not a whole lot.
Speaker 1:
The final research back to reason why I'm choosing not to lose weight is when we weight cycle. So we drop the weight, we gain it back. We drop the weight, we gain it back. We know that when we drop the weight, a large percentage of us are going to gain it back, and so it's just that, up and down, up and down, up and down. There are cardiovascular risks to that. Now, as a woman in that perimenopause phase, like my, cardiovascular risk is already increasing because I'm not producing estrogen, because this is just the stage of my life. If you are menopause or beyond, your cardiovascular risk is increasing as well. I don't want to increase the risk because my body size is going up and down, and up and down, and up and down. Now, with all that said, I want to be clear.
Speaker 1:
I do pay attention, particularly to my blood metrics. There are some things in my blood work that are having a bit of an upward trend that I'm not comfortable with, and so I will be focusing on that, but in a non diet way. I don't like seeing my LDL coming up. I've always had amazing LDL, and the last two blood works I've had it's going up. Well, guess what that's? Because that's because of the phase that I'm in. Well, I can talk about that on another episode, if you're interested in that. But I am paying attention to some other data, not the scale data, not the BMI data, which you know how I feel about BMI. It's not in the Bible, so let's just not worry about that. But I am playing, paying attention to HDL, to LDL, to triglycerides, to glucose, to A1C. Those are the ones that are pertinent to me, that I'm like Hmm, okay, I'm seeing a trend and I do feel like it's important to make some changes to adjust those. So I am not like willy nilly, whatever intuitive eating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm still applying the gentle nutrition, but I'm doing it with a different mindset, which leads us into the mindset of why I am choosing not to try to lose weight.
Speaker 1:
When I am restricted, when I have to restrict because I am dieting, I don't feel well. I shared earlier that I used to practice intermittent fasting. I don't anymore and let me tell you how much better I feel at 9am now that I am eating breakfast. That's fine. That was part of my journey, it's part of my story and so it is what it is. It's not something I recommend now, it's not something that I practice now, and particularly with the latest research from the American Heart Association saying it increases your cardiovascular risk. But from a mindset perspective, I don't want to not feel well. I don't want to intentionally make myself not feel well because I am restricting. It also takes my heart away from the joy of food.
Speaker 1:
I really like food. There are some people out there and I don't get it, but they're like they could. They just eat because their body says they need to eat and then they don't think anything of it. I am not one of these people. I enjoy food, I enjoy cooking, I enjoy exploring flavors, I enjoy sitting around the table and having a meal with my family. Now, granted every meal and I'm going to quote Leslie Schilling on this, she said it and it made me laugh and I think it's so funny Not every meal is going to be a party in my mouth, so I am not like every meal is so wonderful and satisfying. It might satisfy me in that like I'm not hungry anymore and sometimes I'm just eating because like it's leftover from dinner and my job is to eat all of the leftover vegetables. My husband and I joke like he eats some of the leftovers, I eat other leftovers and then we get them all out. So sometimes I'm eating because it was dinner last night and because I just need to eat and then just move on with the next thing.
Speaker 1:
But I don't want to lose the joy of food. God gave us so many different foods and it's fun and it's enjoyable and I don't want to lose that. And when I'm dieting and restricting, I'm losing it because it's blah and it's boring and it's like chicken breast and broccoli and you know, and is that it? I don't know, like I'm not. No, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1:
Another reason is because so many years ago and many of you have heard this story I heard God whispering to me you are spending more time thinking about the food you're going to eat and the exercise you're going to do than you are about me, and it took me a long time to shift that and I still do, admittedly, like I feel, like I think about this kind of stuff a lot, but I think about it not from an inward facing focus, but from an outward, so I can serve my community, so I can help educate, so I can help give other perspectives. So there, once again, a duality, like there's that. But in terms of that inward self focused, I don't want to go back there. I don't want God to call me out again hey, amy, you're thinking more about you than you are about me. So I don't want to do that, and that's what happens when I diet.
Speaker 1:
I also don't want to create this idol out of a particular body size. And, yeah, I can idolize the body that I had 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago so easily If I, if I let myself. I'm not looking at anyone else. I'm not looking at them. I I shouldn't say that I try not to it can. The comparison thing can creep in for sure, especially when I look at other women my age and I'm like why hasn't this hit them Like it has me, Like this is not something I am proud to admit. I don't like that. I think it but I do, and so I'm honest about it. But in general, my comparison and my idolizing now is really on my past self, and I don't. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:
I've talked a lot like I'm different. I've grown. I talked last week about the goodness that God has grown in me and I like that. I like that, and so I don't need to idolize a shell, a, just a body from previously, when I like the inside of what has happened better, the final mindset piece that I want to put out there, and I'm I'm really struggling with how to say this. Well, but I'm, I am doing what God has called me to do.
Speaker 1:
I never intended to do a. I never wanted to write a blog. I mean, 10 years ago I said the world does not need another health and fitness blogger. We just didn't. I didn't want to blog. I didn't want to turn that into podcasting. I hadn't really planned on writing a book. I did have a dream when I was in middle school that I wanted to write a book, but it wouldn't have been about this Like this is.
Speaker 1:
This is just where God has called me to be, and I do feel like he is asking me to walk the walk. He's kind of saying, amy, you're saying over and over, health is not a size and we take care of ourselves so we can do what we're called to do. And I'm asking you to live that out, I hope, if nothing else, if you too have seen your body size change, you know that you're not alone. And if you're struggling with the duality of believing that health is not a size and you can be healthy in whatever size body God gave you and grieving that change, you're not alone because I'm right there with you. And so if my bigger body is an encouragement to anyone, if it helps you process your own thoughts or your emotions, then I'm here for it.
Speaker 1:
Let's be honest there are much worse things that God could be asking me to live out. If you need a story around that, you can go read the book of Job. If you need a story around that, you can go read the book of Job, like Job probably would have liked to have gained some weight rather than all of the other stuff Like this. This is nothing. This is just internal, stupid attacks from the enemy. That you know what my God is greater than that. Attacks from the enemy that you know what my God is greater than that. And my God, with his help, can help change my mind and change my heart and get the focus off my body size, and I want to leave you with this.
Speaker 1:
I've been trying to figure out the right way to say this as well. If I'm honest, I fear that people who have known me for a while may look at me and say, man, she's really gotten bigger, she's really let herself go. That is not true. I am still doing the things that are important to me, that are important to my physical, my mental and my spiritual health, and I believe you are too. I believe you are too, and you and I may have some different priorities, but we have not let ourself go. We are holding onto our priorities our priorities of community, our priorities of satisfaction, our priorities of finding joy in food and joy in movement, even if that's different. We have not let ourself go. We are holding on to our priorities.
Speaker 1:
What's next for my body? I don't know. I don't know, but I do know that I am trusting God with my body, as I honor it by moving it in a way that brings me joy, by feeding it when I'm hungry and with foods that make me feel and function well in my body, in my mind, in my spirit, and knowing that he made me and he created me, and that is good enough. Okay, that is all for today. Go out there and have a graced day. Hey, as we wrap up, if you are interested in seeing the sources for some of the research I provided today, those will be in the show notes. Also, if you are interested in checking out your core strength, even if you don't have a young woman, if you just want to read it for yourself, that's fine. You can read it too. You can find that virtually anywhere online, and I will have the links in the show notes as well.
