#122 3 Key Tips to Talk about your Achievements at Work (without feeling bad)

In today's episode I am going to share with you 3 key tips you need to talk about your achievements (without feeling bad). Everything you need to start promoting yourself at work in a way that works for you.

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00:00

Hello, I hope you're well. And if not, I got you, at least you are here. My name is Michelle Kevill. And I help high achieving corporate women feel passionate about their job again, I am so busy, I feel like you're gonna hear that for the next couple weeks leading up to my wedding in February. We don't know if you knew I'm getting married in February is exciting time. If y'all know me a little more, I am very organized and very prepared. And sometimes I am little tupid on things and a little over the top. But that's me, that's okay. And I'm so glad that I have a coach. And I'm self coaching myself on all this because it is just feeling like a much more peaceful existence and more just like moving through it. And sometimes I just have to remind myself that like, I can't control everything, and it's all gonna work out. And that's fine. And currently I am fully booked, but I will be taking in the next cohort of people. Next year, I'll be releasing some cons about that if you want sign up for the the waitlist for the epic Work and Life program. If you want to hear more about that I will be sending that very soon. But today, I want to talk to you about three key things, you need to talk about your achievements. And this is something that I was actually talking with a client who was really struggling with and I thought, Oh, another thing that I haven't really talked about in a whole heap of detail that I could start talking about and really help you with. And I'm going to tell you a little bit as to why like, you know, all the brainy kind of science behind it, if you're into it, some people just want to get straight to how but if you know me, and if you're like me, I like to know the why behind it, it helps me remember it, and then I can move from there, then I'm going to tell you three to them, I got three key tips, how you can actually start doing this in a way that works with your body, not against it, because you've likely heard so much advice, like stop promoting yourself and like just getting yourself out there and networking and stuff like that and be like, I don't want to do that, that sounds scary. So I'm gonna give you three things are actually things that I used to do myself to build myself up and get myself more noticed within my organization. So as I am telling you that I want to kind of set the scene for you, right, because what I'm hearing a lot of, and what I heard from this recent client is there was an opportunity to kind of, you know, there's like a group, you know, with a lot of group of people, stakeholders, some more senior, etc. And, you know, some people were talking about what they were working on. And there was an opportunity for her to kind of start speaking up telling them about, like, what she works on. And she kind of just went a little bit quiet. And it was a part of her that she was saying that she really wanted to just, you know, like she didn't want to be there in order to exist anymore. She wanted to hide away, didn't really want to talk about what she was working on, kind of briefly mentioned what she did, but wasn't really feeling super empowered to tell them like the work that she was doing. And it was interesting, because as we were unpacking it, it's like, I'm sitting there, like, how could you not be proud of these amazing achievements. And there was just like this voice like, oh, you know, it's not that bad. Like, it wasn't that big of a deal like other people helping me etc. And it's these types of thoughts that ultimately keep you stuck. And when we're going through the session, what she started to realize was ultimately, those thoughts were popping up not only because of a whole ton of conditioning around women, which I'll get into on how we're supposed to talk about our achievements, but also because she didn't want to be that like she didn't want to be speaking so her brain is just using his excuse, like it's not even a big deal like you don't even need to talk about it like it's fine a lot. And that is not helpful, that does not help us and we should be proud of what we achieved. I'm not saying like I'll give you I'll give you another story I remember being told really early in my career that like really like really be really pushing for my achievements are talking about them and owning them and be proud of them and you know leading directing them etc. And I remember sitting there and the weight was just given to me it was this very kind of like this very much or masculine like own your initiative like be proud and direct which really did not resonate with me at the time so I remember these projects that I was working on and this is where like I talked about this in another episode around earning your responsibility. I could not differentiate what I worked on as part of a bigger project because what a lot of this is my kind of viewpoint I think what tends to happen is there a some people in my experience have been men who will look at this project they worked on own at all forgetting that there other people have been working on it and then women are typically doing the opposite. They're looking at like the collective and being like Oh, but we all worked on this together and not realizing that actually yes, yeah, sure we did. We did like all work on it together and you had this specific part to play which is why that type of language and you hear it a lot you'll see it on like tick tock and in you know, other kind of There's nothing wrong with it, it just didn't resonate with me. And now I know the reason why it didn't resonate with me, it's because I didn't know how to be proud of my achievements in a way that felt right. For me, you can own 110% everything that you've done and realize that yeah, it was part of like a bigger group, because everything you do in corporate is frankly, part of a bigger group. And if you were constantly going in, and using that, kind of, you know, we worked with it with other people. And it wasn't all just me, you're never going to showcase your true abilities, and they're never going to show through. But you can do it in a way that also recognizes other people who you're working with together, but you can start to see and you can only do this, when you kind of work through which I'll go through in the key tips. Those thoughts that are kind of sitting there that are holding you back, like the ones that are like, like this one where I explored with a client, I was like, Really, what do you mean was like everyone else, and we went into it, and ultimately just came down to fear. And her brain was purposefully like, minimizing all the amazing achievements. And we're, I'm looking at it and I'm like, Yeah, you were a part. Like, you were like the building block of like, a big like Jenga piece, right, like a big Jenga tower, and there's lots of other people's part of it, but if they pulled you out of that, the whole thing would have fell down. Like you're an integral part of the whole team, that's how you need to view it, there are all these like, boards about you know, not showing off, etc, that are just holding her back at the time. And it was so impactful to see that because then she's able to go away, see how it's impacting lives, she's able to refine that skill even further. And then when this opportunity comes back next time she has a plan of action around how she is going to be like proud or achievements but in a way that suits her that feels right for her. It's coming from a genuine like sense of like pride within herself but not like this fake kind of got to talk about myself because I have to because some guru on Tiktok told me to, because I think the problem and what I see with some clients is you are looking at okay, all these other people to feel like okay, like how do I do this? And how do I be like more proud and it doesn't help here's where it's a bit of a catch 22 And like almost a snake eating its own tail. We are also constantly telling women that they're not being proud enough and then I think what happens is in women reinforce it in their mind that like oh no, that's right, we hide we hide so much and then look for the when they are hiding and not being open about their abilities if that makes sense. It's like we tell women don't do this thing. And then we end up doing the thing because we're believing that we are hiding away from it I have I talk about this more in an episode really early episode an episode around like, like feminism in the workplace and stuff like that I forgot the title. But if you literally type in feminism, it will pop up. And it's really interesting. Like we we reinforce like, you know, yes, women are bad at talking about their achievements, and then we'll find evidence as to why women are bad at talking about their achievements as well. Like, it is such a like a bad trick as well. Like a trap sorry, I

08:04

should say that keeps us stuck too. So not only are we conditioned to hide ourselves, not talk about our own things we'll be proud about our achievements but we're also getting this confirmation bias really from society and other women etc telling us that yeah, we are really shouldn't doing that. And we should do more of it. But I don't see enough on the how and the how that you get given really is shit frankly, because the how that I was taught in like my early on in my career. And what I also see some of the Guru's pop up on tick tock is just like, yeah, it's okay. But it I feel being a coach now and going through it myself. It doesn't tackle root issues. Like you think, oh, I need to talk more about am I achievement, it's no, you need to figure out why you don't want to talk about your achievements, you need to figure out what is holding you back. And what that fear is, you need to deal with that. Because when you deal with that is like one of the one of the three tips that I'm talking about probably end up being four tips, you'll start to feel more authentic. This is a key thing, and I'm giving this to you at the start, you probably should share this at the very end. But you really when you're sharing your achievements, it needs to come from a place of authenticity, but you can't do that if it's layered with all this emotion of like fear I shouldn't do this, etc. Who just going to be like, it's almost like if you're forcing yourself to try shear and achievement and be proud of it. It's like you're pushing yourself to the edge of a cliff. And you're like fuck, like I don't know what to do. And it can come off as inauthentic and potentially the way that you're thinking that you're going to be boasting etc and stuff like that because you're forcing yourself into something that doesn't feel comfortable for you. Versus I genuinely am proud of the contribution that I this X amount of contribution that I made. And you can see it for what it is and you but you can only do that as well. Here's another thing this is the other trap. If you minimising all your achievements, you're not able to then be proud of them, because your brain is just dismissing it as it's absolutely nothing. Like, I recently over the weekend had to like reorganize just let's clean some stuff, right? Like, I could just be like, Oh, it's fine. I just put some stuff away. Or if I really look at it, it's like, no, I organize my time. And I looked at what do I need to do? Because our kitchen drawers are an absolute nightmare of Germany, baking supplies and stuff like that. And I went to town and I figured out what we do need, we don't need a reorganized at all, I made it all neat. So we can pull things in and out easier. And I did that by myself. But even if I didn't have to do that by myself, even if I had help, it's still like, oh, I coordinated that effort. I don't know why I'm giving you that specific example. The reason is proptech eight. The reason I'm giving you that example, because I'm actually super proud of it. Every time my phone it goes into the kitchen, and they look at the underneath the sink, look at how clean it is. We can access the rice cooker without going through 20,000 different things. Ooh, the square foot this thing here. I'm so proud of it. And I look at it with such admiration. And I'm like, Oh, wow. This is. And that's where if someone was to ask me about it, I would authentically feel extremely proud about it. Because I'd be like, Yes, this is what I do on the weekend and I reorganize this stuff. And it's so easy to full things in and out. And you would sense that you could probably hear that in my voice but also a little bit of laughing just because I'm like I love that I'm using a kitchen example if you know me, I love cleaning. Had to cut down on it now that I do a you know a business as well. But I absolutely could. I could definitely be like an organizer or something like that. I absolutely love it. Like, you know, there's really kind of even like the really, really messy homes I my brain just goes into right? I know what we need to do we need to move this versus this, etc. Just I don't know if something I love to do. But anyway, getting sidetracked on cleaning. Yes, you need to feel genuinely proud of it. You can't do that if you have all these things where you're laying ring fear, etc. So how do we get to that? Right? How do we get to that, and this is where the other three tips are going to come in. And we're giving you four tips. Now, the first fourth one is more like an end tip. But it actually is a starting tip. Because I want you to know that if you're feeling authentic, that is going to show through. Because I think the biggest fear I see with women is that they're going to be like the show show offs, which actually leads into my first tip. If you are thinking you're going to be a show off, you're either going to hide or you're going to push yourself to the edge to try to like really speak about it. And then it's not only going to be you're not showcasing it enough or you're showcasing it almost the opposite. Yes. Like you said it's coming off in authentic and like too strong. Versus this almost middle ground in yourself where you're like, Yes, this is what I did. And it's very like grounded confident energy, which is my first tip, you need to work out what caused you to become like this. What I mean by that is what has caused you to want to play safe or to hide away your achievements, not talk about them not open. So I just want you to after this episode like sit there have a think about where in your life is like a core key memory popping up for you where this message was really strong for you. And I'm gonna give you one that I realized this was for me. So when I you know, started on my coaching journey, and I learned this for myself. One thing that popped up that there actually many if I'm honest, but this is the weird one that really solidified in my mind as this is where I learned that I had to hide away. I remember I was at probably like 14, I was at a Tupperware party. I think no, it was a neutral medics party, Brian pneumatics. For those who are outside, it's like skincare and stuff like that, like a Tupperware party. And I remember telling people about the new just it was like a casual job, but like a jewelry store that I got. And I was like super, like proud of it. It was my first job. I was really excited. And I was just chatting to them about it. And I remember saying and I get paid like X amount. Now I cannot remember what I was getting paid out. But I was like, really proud of what I had done. I was just sharing what I didn't know like, oh, wow, that's really good, etc. After the party ended, my mom pulled me to the side and basically said to me, you cannot tell people how much you earn. And just very to the point direct like you cannot do that that is showing off that is disrespectful, etc. And she was just reinforcing to me what she thought was best at the time. Right? Like you don't talk about money. I don't want her growing up thinking that she can like talk about like, other things to that. And I remember feeling such an immense sense of shame around the whole thing. And realizing oh wow. Like I didn't even think about their financial circumstances etc. Like such an idiot whatever and just really going into like this place where I wanted to hide and like like take it all back. But at the time I felt so proud, confident, etc, and was like, oh my god, like, look at what I did and to be almost what felt like an emotional slap in the face to be like, no, what you did was extremely wrong and bad, and it made me want to pull away. And the reason I share that is because for me or back in the day, before all this, I just didn't want to speak about anything that I was doing. I just wanted it to get noticed. And I just assumed that if I worked really hard, it will just naturally get noticed, which, if you're working corporate, yes, and working hard to an extent, but you also need to communicate to people what you are doing, sometimes people don't know what you're doing, we're all working on so many different things. And we're all in our own heads, including your manager and other stakeholders. And you do need to be telling people what you're doing, hence the whole topic around this episode around how to be proud of your achievements. And that is where if you can realize what that is, you can start to notice in those moments, when you have opportunities to talk about an achievement, or you want to do that, what is the feeling that is popping up and you can start to get comfortable with it. You need to get comfortable with that feeling. For me, it's shame. It's like and it's a weird type of shame. It's like, I'm hiding in a little turtle shell. It's like, Alright, I'm just in my little shell, and I don't really want to come out. And I'm worried like part of my brain is worried about that repercussion, that shame being told, you know, you're too big for your boots kind of thing that is so important for you to realize, otherwise, you're going to keep hitting your head against a wall wondering what the hell is going on. And we talk about this in so much more detail and a such deeper level. In my one on one epic Work and Life program. It's a six month coaching program, we get to these types of things, because here's the thing, all your thoughts are going to be unique, right? I can only do so much through this podcast episode. And it's customized for you. And we can figure out what are these fears that aren't just holding you back in key achievements. But is it holding you back from being able to promote yourself so you can earn your next race, or you can feel more confident in a meeting, because a lot of my clients and who I'm starting to hear from, you know, coming into 2024 is they want to make it their year to get that promotion to make it the year they love their job and get that promotion and do it while they enjoy their job not like for grudgingly or being like I have to climb the corporate ladder and absolutely hating it again. Get on my waitlist, it's in the show notes below. Moving on. What I also want you to do in regards to how do you be get a little bit better at showcasing your achievements is I want you to start small, really small. Can you tell a stakeholder what you did, or even like a friend or a colleague, right? You start with your manager, you need to start small, and it's up big. I know you want to impress the big important people in the room. But that is too much for your brain right now. It sees it as a very big threat. And it's very worried it's gonna get like me and emotional slap in the face.

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It doesn't want that. Baby steps. Start with people, you know, even like your work colleague or something like that. Don't you love it when your work colleague I have like bestie work colleagues, right? And they will do something and I'm just like, yes, Queen like you do you. I love this for you, you know, like and it's the same with you like they want to hear the stuff that you're working on as well. So start with that start creating safety around that. And the final one is you're going to fail. What do I mean by that? A lot of you have this really big fear of getting caught out. Right now I'm not saying it is going to happen 99.999% of the time, I've gone through this myself and my clients, it has not happened. And yet your brain is still making it really feel real for you. It's real that that being called out is going to happen. So except that except that you could get called out for I don't know, showboating. I don't know how if you're just telling the contribution that you did for the company, how that would happen. Or if your fear is people are going to think negative thoughts about you. Let them and be okay with that. Seriously, it's so freeing, right? What I mean by that is all you're afraid of is feeling shame. That's it. Like let's say worst absolute worst case, your boss calls you up and is like, hey, you need to calm down. What are you afraid of? Like what's your biggest fear? You're afraid of how you'll feel? You're just afraid after that person says that word those words to you. You're gonna sit there you judge yourself shame yourself. You're like oh my god. I shouldn't have said that. I'm so terrible. This is the worst thing ever. Like you're just going to be addicted yourself. That's all you're afraid about but nothing else is going to happen. So I want to put that up front not because it's like all I see will it is going to happen no because let's face reality here your brain really thinks that So speak back to it be like yeah, it could happen and I can fucking handle it. I can handle the shame etc. But here's the thing if you never try if you never lean into the uncomfortable, you never even try you know start with your manager etc around showcasing your key achievements. You're going Ain't to say stuck in the same place. Now what I've given you can help you. But you have so many unique thoughts that are like unique based of your health, you've grown up everything you've been through, etc, that you aren't even aware of yet that are stopping you from being able to not only do this, but like I said, earn your next race get promoted. And you want to be able to do that not like me in like, not like me started this within like, you know, four or five years, you want to do this in six months, I give you everything that I went through, this is like 10 years of corporate, including my coaching, I've condensed this all down into a six month program. I help you master skills that are going to serve you in the long run, like seeing where these unhelpful thoughts are coming from, and how to like then just shift your energy in the moment. How do you go from when it does pop up? And you're like, faced with this other opportunity? How do you shift your energy from feeling like super afraid, overwhelmed, whatever to confident, but also sincere and authentic. And really, it's like a really grounded energy that you can only get in my program, literally, because it's so it's so unique, I can't do it through a podcast. So link is in the show notes to sign up and get on my waitlist to hear more about that. And I will be going on holiday coming up towards the end of this year. I don't know when I don't think this is my last episode just yet. But I will be sharing that in one of the upcoming things. We'll be taking a small little break for the holiday period, and then we will be back at it in the new year for 2024. All right, see you then