#131 How to conquering your insecurity with new opportunities

In today's episode I am going to share with you how to handle your old insecurities and feeling not good enough appearing when new work challenges arise. 

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Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/podcast 

Transcript

00:00

Hello, everyone, I hope you're well. And if not, I got you at least you are here. My name is Michelle Kevill. And I help high achieving corporate women feel passionate about their job again. And it is so good to be starting us again in the new year after getting married after my leave. I am delayed on this by a battle rake, and was meant to get an episode out to you actually, tomorrow, but I am setting us up for the week after I'm recording a few episodes ahead. We also got a new puppy, her name is Leia in the first talk, absolutely loves her and they have been sick. And then we got a little bit sick. And it was a little bit manic. So I decided to just kind of put a little hold on everything. And now we are restarting we are getting absolutely back into it. I am so excited. I had a lovely time I am now married, I've had a really good break. And I'm excited to talk to you guys. And this episode actually came from a recent client. And it kind of touches on a very early episode that I did really early in the podcast, about what coaching is, etc. And I want to talk to some of the more I guess seasoned people who are kind of aware of coaching. And I want to talk directly to you about when you feel like your coaching isn't working like your coaching practice, or the things that if you are a longtime listener, you've been listening to the podcast, and you're wondering why it hasn't been like sticking it. And I want to touch on that a little bit more. And give you as I always do a metaphor, this one a little bit not exactly a work topic, but it it relates just as much. And I'm going to be using it as work as well. And also, what I'm trying to relate back to is if some of you have been at your corporate jobs, and there's been some good times events or bad times, and then maybe you are up leveling, you're doing some new things, or you're going towards that promotion, you're working towards that. And these old habits are just coming back in some of these old thought patterns, some things that you originally thought hang on a minute, this feels like I'm thinking this before and do all this negative stuff again, why is this happening? And how do I resolve that? Like, I thought I was feeling good enough. And now it's coming back? Why is that and that's what I want to touch on. I don't want to touch on my example using my dog, really my second dog, we always wanted to get a second dog in the is. So we have a Coverdell or some places across the world called them Cavapoo. And they are very sociable creatures, and he needs a little buddy, he just loves people, but he needs just a little friend to be kind of playing around with around the house. So we decided to get a second dog. And what's really interesting is the first time we got the dog because I had never experienced before I found it extremely stressful and I did not enjoy it. Because I was used to having guinea pigs. And they are completely different temperament and, you know, management style altogether. And this time around, even though like some of the you know, she's a little bit more quieter, etc. They were just had like different challenges and stuff. It just felt like I could cope with it a lot more. As in the things that she was doing that was similar to India, I felt like oh, like I don't need to necessarily be freaking out about this. Give you one more example is I used to get so upset when India used to see me like put something in the bin outside. And he will just lose his collective shed and just be barking etc. And I used to get really upset about it. Because it's like we'd go to another room. We keep him his crate or something. He could see us and he's like, freaking out and I'm like he can see us I don't understand. What I didn't realize at the time is that the puppy, it's, you know, it's a new environment. And it honestly literally thinks it's gonna be like left alone separated from you forever. It like hasn't developed that routine yet. So same thing is happening with the new puppy. And I am not just causing any drama about it. Because I'm like, Oh, she just doesn't know what's going on right now. She's new. She's just going to be crying. Like I'm just not making it mean anything about me. And I noticed that she's had some different problems because she has been a little bit ill, she's, she's totally fine, just normal puppy stuff. But I didn't have the exact same brain drive around it because I knew that we had similar stuff with India and I was able to get through it now. Okay, so how does this relate to work and your corporate job? I think what happens is we forget that what you're dealing with is the same scenario, but just in a new level, a new environment. And what happens a lot of the time and the reason this didn't happen to me with Leia is because I am a coach, and I also get coached and I was able to kind of bring my brain back because I was like, oh my god, it's happening again. Like this is gonna suck etc. And I was able to pull myself out of that I see this a lot with my clients, I still do this myself at work is that we'll have a new project will be going on to like, like a new struggle as such or a growth opportunity. I hate that. I really to hate that. Because sometimes I literally internally, I'm like, I don't want to grow anymore. But they are they actually they honestly are growth opportunities. But when I'm talking to my clients, I'm not an I'm not the type person you've heard me on the podcast, especially if you're new or longtime listener, I'm not the I'm not gonna be friendly at all times you as a growth opportunity. Because a lot of the times we need to validate how we're feeling first before we can change our mindset. And for a lot of you, it's, this is really a real struggle, this is really stressful. This is making me feel completely worthless right now. And what I'm seeing a lot of is I was feeling great, everything was going really well. The shift has happened, whether there's been a structural change a new project, a new manager, etc. And it's all coming back again. Well, let me tell you, from a scientific perspective, what's happening, it's literally if there's a change in the environment, your brain is going to revert to back to what it knows. And back to what worked well for it, which is your old thoughts, your old habits, right. So really simply, if we you, you used to overwork and somehow you're able to, like, you know, simply if you've heard my story on the podcast, what I've done to get through that. And then I don't know, you get a new manager, a new boss, and maybe you're thinking, Oh, I have to start doing that, again, to create safety. That's what your body wants, its wants to create safety, again, really, how you got yourself out of the other issue, or how or at least for my example, how I was able to get myself like promoted two times and under ye actually do more in less time was to actually stop overworking and I learned how to work smart, but learn how to work smart is I had to learn a new habit, I had to trust that habit, I had to trust that rest and taking breaks is safe, like a whole heap of things on that. And I had to deal a lot with self worth around, you know, proving myself if I'm good enough, etc. So the same thing happens, right? You go into a new environment, you revert back. So this is what was happening and giving your dog example because this is what was happening with me with a dog originally a few days in and then I caught myself and I was just immediately like, No, we are not doing this, we are not going to make this painful again, they only stay so little for so long. Like she is two and a half kilos, she is an absolute. She's I think she's a rabbit. She just bounces around. She's adorable. And I want to enjoy this time I want to be present with this time. And I know that I can get through all these like mental little things. And you know the organization and management around that. Now that sounds really easy to do. And it comes with a lot of practice and working with a coach. But you need to be focusing on is like, don't be okay, don't be freaking out is what I've been saying to like, my clients, including myself, don't freak out, if this happens is completely normal. Okay, you're gonna revert back to your old habits when something new is happening. And it's completely normal, your body is just like, the old stuff feel safe. So I'm just going to move back to that nothing has gone wrong. Especially if deep down, you are not feeling like you are enough or a good fit for the new position role. You know, perception of that new manager, whatever it is, they're all normals, well, you've just got to continue to do the work. And this is something I have been here also honing in on with myself and my clients is that you are always going to be consistently evolving, there's always going to be new things for you to be working on coaching yourself on and working through. That's totally fine. Like, and that's a good thing. Because if you want to be living this really passionate life where you are loving your job, where you are going into these new positions, these new roles that you really want to be and guess what, it's going to challenge you and it's going to stretch you that's part of it, that's part of it. And that's totally fine. So it's going to feel normal that way. But what we don't want is like the added mind drama of us consistently like berating ourselves and then getting us back into like a burnout spiral etc.

09:08

So what you need to be doing is honing in on the extra work that I have been talking about. So again, really looking at all the thoughts that are popping up. And this is like this is great. This is going to really strengthen a good muscle for you because then you'll be able to see very quickly, especially if you're a longtime listener, how these thoughts impacting my life again, how these thoughts that I used to have all you know, back when I started working either with Michelle or listening to the podcast, how are they impacting? Coming back, you know, uprooting the evil head and popping into my life again, and what is it that I need to be doing and consistently proving to myself? And how can I use this as an opportunity to actually prove to myself that even without some of the evidence that my brain is craving for safety, whether it's that like your boss likes you, or that you just don't feel like a sense of competency Whatever it is, how can you prove and believe that almost before those results are there? Because that's what you need to do. You need to be believing in yourself to create these results, whether it's you know, that promotion, etc, and stuff like that. And there's a level of safety with that, especially if you like me. And what I've typically seen with some of my clients is a lot of needing that evidence that concrete proof that whether it's like more certifications, another degree, a Master's, or something to prove that like, Yes, I am enough for this role. And then shocking news, I do that, and they don't feel enough. And it's because deep down, you were just believing that you're not enough, and you're trying to use something external to get that validation. And it's not working. And even if it's like, I don't know, you want to look good in front of your mouth, you know, manager, same thing, you're looking for that praise that reassurance or something like that. But again, this is where like, the models that I talk about are so important, because when you're putting that in there, how are you acting? If you are freaking out and like overworking? Are you then getting stressed? Are you then missing things etc. And then almost proving what you're thinking, which is like person doesn't like me, almost I say almost true. Because I don't want to then use that to freak people out. But it's like a snake eating its own tail. Sometimes when we are believing things about ourselves, we are then creating evidence because we are acting out from that place, especially if you're acting out from a place of anxiety, you are not going to be able to be thinking clearly and pragmatically. So this is especially important why say all the time asking yourself why or why is that a problem? Whenever a thought pops up to find those? What are those root thoughts that are kind of rearing its head? For me, it's always the same one thought, which is I'm not good enough. And I just need to consistently be doing the work. And another thing that might be popping up for you is like Michelle, so what do you mean, like I have to consistently be working on myself? Yes. Unless you want to stay where you are, which is totally fine as well. If you would just have a position or like, I don't know, somewhere in life that you just want to like this is enough. That's okay. But if you like me, and like people that I work with, again, high achieving corporate women not saying that you're not high achieving, but what I see these very driven women who want to keep pushing themselves, keep doing things, keep like whether it's getting those promotions, taking on those new projects, and enjoy it at the same time. I don't want this to be this is what happens, you get that new promotion, you take on a new project, and then all these old habits pop up, all this self doubt appears you burn out, you hate your job, the cycle continues and you just reinforce it, you're like shit at this. And that's not true. Like you can enjoy the growth opportunities. Or you can start to see them as growth opportunities like I am and look Sundays, I am not seeing them as growth opportunities. I am just like, I want to be in the corner in the pit. And just hate everything right now. The difference is I know how to get myself out of the pit to really say that what I'm doing when I'm able to do in my corporate job, and I'm able to do here with clients, etc. Like I'm living my perfect life right now. This is really good. And I need to be enjoying the journey as I work towards all my goals, whether it's my business, my career, etc. That's important. And that is where I want to invite you to sign up and get in on the waitlist for the epic Work and Life program. This is where I work with you one on one in depth in a six month container where we can escalate those results, you're not waiting two or even five years for that promotion, you are getting that you are getting these results in a such shorter timeframe because you are learning key skills, like how to stop overworking do more in less time, be confident show up for yourself showcase your work, which is going to escalate those results dramatically. You're going to be getting that promotion in faster time and enjoy it. That is the most important part because no one wants to be burned out, etc. So link is in the shownotes to sign out to sign up for the next cohort. I will be announcing that in the next few months. I am completely fully booked at the moment. And I will see you next week. And I'm so excited guys. I'm so excited. Like I've got some stuff planned. I'm kind of scrolling away in the background, but I feel like especially heading that is and the whole you know leave and everything I've had a bit of a slow down towards the end of last year and you know, this quarter, and I'm really excited to see what this 2024 brings. So I'll see you then. Bye