In today's episode I am going to tell you how to determine if a promotion is right for you AND 3 fears that are holding you back from making a decision.
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Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/podcast
In today's episode I am going to tell you how to determine if a promotion is right for you AND 3 fears that are holding you back from making a decision.
Get on the waitlist here for my Epic Work & Life Program.
A 6 month transformational program for high achieving corporate women like YOU that wants to ENJOY going after their big career goals AND have an even more fantastic life.
Sign up to my mailing list for free workbooks to help you love your job again!
Follow me on:
Instagram
TikTok
Facebook
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/podcast
00:00
Hello, everyone, I hope you're well. And if not, I got you at least you are here. My name is Michelle Kevill. And I help high achieving corporate women feel passionate about their job again. I am so excited for today's episode. This is a fan tastic topic that came from a follower, who recently asked me, When is the best time to take a promotion. Now, if you have listened to my stuff before, you'll know that I have a few episodes around, you know how to handle a promotion, what you need to do to like, you know, work towards it. But what about in the moment? How can you tell what is the right decision to make for you. And I also want to talk about three key fears that I've seen through all my clients, including myself, that have held you back from taking on that promotion, because sometimes it might not actually be the right time or right decision for you. And how can you make the right one that suits you, and suits your needs at the time without it being clouded? By all the fear? The worry, the you know, am I going to do a good enough job, etc? How do we make a clear and informed decision about taking that promotion, without it being clouded by fear, worry, doubt, etc. And today's episode, I'm going to deep dive exactly on how to do that. Before we get into it. As always, if you want deeper help on this, sign up in the show notes for my six month one on one epic Work and Life program. This is where we get into the nitty gritty of your brain. And we actually curate and work on a customized plan for you to love your job again in the next six months. And not just love your job again, but go after that promotion, whilst enjoying it and not burning out. So link is in the show notes for that. But let's get into it. So maybe for you, you have been working super hard during your due diligence, working up towards getting that promotion. And then it's time you receive that offer or you're applying for that job and you are getting that next you know you're getting into that next stage of your life. Basically, what I'm saying is that offer has come to you're receiving the offer that promotion, that next step, that goal is that you think you should be feeling happy. And you should also be feeling thankful, like maybe lots of you're talking to people out of you know, fear and worry around, you know, just natural thoughts that are popping up for you. And everyone is telling you to take it and that it's the right thing to do and that you would be stupid to not take it in the right direction. But there is a part of you, in your gut. You and you're sitting there and you're wondering, is this really the right thing? Should I be doing this? Should I be leaving the safety of my current position and moving on into this next area and next phase of my life? What if I take this and I regret it? What if it's even more stressful for me? What if I have just been so the Loulou delusional, and actually, I can't do this at all. And everything I've been showcasing and doing is fake at work. And this is just an absolutely terrible idea. It's very normal and very common for these thoughts and feelings to pop up. Fear, anxiety, maybe even a little bit of shame, because we're getting this and then we start doing like self comparison to other people and wondering if we're really deserving of this. The biggest one I see is fear though fear of the unknown fear of change and then sometimes judgment, because you should want this right. So we're thinking okay, we need to talk about this with someone we need to know what the best thing to do is we want to feel better we want to go into this feeling or you want to go into this feeling confident so you talk to other people, and everyone is telling you the same thing. Some of them are saying like you would be an idiot to not take this you should do this and yet you still don't feel better. But everyone is telling you something that doesn't still sit right with you. And now you are sitting there feeling a little bit silly, wondering, Oh God, what have I gotten myself into, I should have never done this. This is such a common story that I hear. And if you are going through something similar to this, I want you to know that you're not alone. It is completely normal. And I am going to tell you exactly what you need to do to like basically move on from this and get out of it and actually make a decision that best suits you. Before we get into the real specifics, I just want to tell you why you were feeling this way. Really clean and clearly because you want to be able to pick up on this when this is happening again. Okay. Even though you might really want this promotion or this is your dream etc. The reason you are feeling this way firstly is because your brain does not like change even if you want that change. Now that the change is in view and it is real. It is very natural for your brain to just be like no, because it likes what it knows now. Okay, it knows everything. It's comfortable with it. You are giving it A little bit of change. And it is like, ah, that is scary. Remember, our brains are really not wired for too much change, because too much change meant you died back in prehistoric era, right? So having this type of change, especially when it's an unknown, and then you're adding to it with all these thoughts around if you can do it, etc. Of course, you're naturally going to going to have these like fears and feelings. The second thing is, when you're talking to friends and family about this, the reason you are not going to be feeling better, is because again, you're just trying to get you're hoping that if people tell you or reinforce, you know, say lately, you want them to say something is going to click, it's gonna be like, Oh, yes, this is why I should do it. 100%, and then you immediately feel better. And the reason you aren't feeling better is because you're trying to outsource the solving the problem onto them. It's like you want to he almost if 20,000 People are telling you, yes, then you should feel good. And that's the right thing to do. And then you like should go do it. Right. But sometimes that's not the case. Sometimes it is sometimes we will ask for opinions from people. And it reinforces what we're thinking. And we're like, yeah, no, this is the right thing to do. Which what I would say is, if you're putting up, you're kind of like I said before you're outsourcing yourself trust to them, because sometimes, there are gonna be things that you're going to do like taking your job. And a person might be like, No, this isn't the right thing to do. And actually, it is the best thing for you. So this is what I'm going to tell you, you are the only person that can determine what the right thing is for you. Now to develop that you have to develop a level of self trust within you, and acceptance of what is going to happen on the other side, but also acceptance of everything that you're feeling right now. So the reason I say that is because you're going to be faced with decisions down the line. And I see this all the time in people who struggle to make decisions, they're asking loads of people so that they can feel comfortable with their decision, or the thing that makes them feel uneasy. And that's just not dealing with the root problem. The root problem is you don't trust you, and you're worried about what's going to happen in the future in this role. And that is completely normal.
07:05
So what do you do that? Okay, I get what you're saying, Michelle, I kind of know where it's coming from. But how do I get to a point where I feel really confident in what I'm doing, the first thing you need to do is separate your fear from the pragmatic, rational side of your brain. Because there are some times I have seen people who have taken positions or clients, that it actually in their call was not the right fit for them. And they have realized that down the line, which is again, a fear that you will like potentially having. And it is because they were not trusting their gut and intuition. And this is something that you are going to build up over time. But I'm going to show you how to differentiate the two. When it comes to this promotion that you have been offered or this new visit whatever it is right? The thing that you are changing into that you are afraid of that new position, that promotion, I want you to just write out all the fears that you have. After you write out all those fears, I want you to look at those fears and look at which are the ones that rely or relate back to me as in Are you worried you're going to fail miserably at this that you're going to have a hard time that is going to be more stressful. The reason this is really important is because those things are coming from your inadequacy. It is coming from your own self doubt your own lack of self confidence, which is by the way, fine and completely normal. Again, the brain doesn't like change, okay? This is a really important practice to do. Because then you can see when you especially when you're writing his thoughts out on paper, you can see them for what they actually are, they are thoughts about something that hasn't happened yet in relation to you and your competency. And if you're going to handle it, it's like a fear of the future that hasn't even happened yet. Then you can look at some of these thoughts and think, Well, how am I going to differentiate them? How am I going to challenge some of them? You are thinking I'm going to fail miserably at this. Is that a problem? Like why do you believe failure is a problem? What do you make that mean? What I mean by that is a lot of the times we fear failure, because I don't know our boss is gonna get mad at us, etc. But is that even if that rare case, or that case did happen? What would you make that mean? Would you then take that on and use it as extra validation as to why you suck. So deep down, you're just thinking, I suck at this and you're so worried about making a mistake to then reinforce that thought and then you're gonna go home, and just be addict to yourself about it and be like, I can really suck at this Oh my God, when actually I would say any promotion you are going to have there is going to be a bit of a gap and a bit of a stretch and there's going to be room for failure. Now, there's two comments on this. Some people like well, if you're already doing the job, that's when you get promoted, etc. I'm half and half of that. I think you prove the capability with evidence that you have done that, but then when you're in that new position, you don't necessarily want to be doing it. Uh huh. 100% and greatly because then where is the room to stretch and grow? It's the same thing as to why I talk to women, and they're like, oh, I need to be meeting like 100% of the criteria on this, like resume, etc. I'm like, why they don't want you to do that. They want you to have like a little bit of a gap in leeway, they want you to be in that role for a while, they don't want you to straightaway just move on to the next one. You want to be able to learn something in that role and challenge yourself. And that is the same with a promotion as well, it is okay to be still learning new things, maybe you've done some of those same roles and opportunities in your current role in a different way, kind of like you've done that specific thing in the promotion, but more in like a safer environment. So like, instead of managing a whole team, you're managing like half a team or like, indirectly, people following you. And now it's the real thing. And there's going to be a natural level of fear of failure of like settling in, that's okay, if you give yourself grace and self compassion, and treat it as growth, you're going to perform better than if you're going to be sitting there being addict yourself hyping yourself up being like, Oh, my God, I'm doing terribly. This is all the evidence, and then making it like in your head worse for yourself, because then your anxiety is heightened. I'm going down this trail, because this is what stops women, especially from moving up because of a fear of leaning into these growth opportunities that yes, feels scary and are naturally going to touch on your inadequacies. That's a good thing. That's how you get better. I would say if you're having a lot of those types of fears, then that's a good thing. That's to me is signaling the reasons as to why you should be leaning into this promotion opportunity. And also going down over as like worst case scenarios, okay, say, you aren't doing like terribly, or at least in your mind, right? Even if you're giving your feedback, you're doing terribly. Is it really the end of the world? It's not because I know some of you will be like, Oh, no, it's terrible. Like, what will I do? Okay, you can find another job, you can step back, you can be honest to a manager and be like, hey, look, I actually want to move over here. People think that's such a career blunder. And it's not. It's all the thoughts and drama you apply around it, that you keep yourself stuck, that you're like, No, no, I just have to keep going like through this linear straight trajectory. And God forbid I step back, then it's a terrible thing. No, you think it's a terrible thing? Do you judge other people for doing that? I don't people can do what the hell they want with their career, if they want to, I would literally look at it with such self compassion and be like, Oh, no, it wasn't a right fit for them, okay, then they moved out and went somewhere else, or, you know, moved into this area, and we've took a step back. That's not a bad thing. It's just what you're applying to it and making drama around it, and therefore it keeps you stuck. And when you were thinking you're going to be stuck in this role, you are heightening all your anxiety, then you're not thinking pragmatically, you're not switching on that thinking part of your brain. And it's going to create more drama and stress in your job because you're operating on stress and you're operating on stress. Again, if you're new listen to my very early like started the podcasts and stuff, my first three episodes I talk about this, it doesn't help where you cannot run, or operate or do things etc. problem solve when your brain is stressed. Because that is turning off your thinking brain in your thinking brain is what you need. And I hammer this all the time to problem solve, do things, manage people, etc, all that type of stuff, doesn't that I don't want you to use that to then be like, Oh, great. Now if I'm stressed, I'm not thinking properly. It's just it's more something to be aware of. It's why regulation of emotions are really important. Now, the difference between that and the three fears, by the way that I most commonly see are things like, it's going to be stressful, I'm not going to be good enough. And I hate this. That is what I see in through all my clients. And then on top of that, I'll sprinkle a little bit of judgment because it's like, this is something I wanted, but now that it's here, I don't want it. And these are very, very normal. I've just spoken around how to handle them. You've got to really kind of more speak to them, write them out, speak to them, challenge them a little bit like say I do hate it then what for separately, how do you then determine this? From that more deeper intuition feeling that you have about a role because I get it? It can be very convoluted call my God did not say that right? can be very feel very messy. And how do you differentiate the two? If the job isn't an actual the promotion is not a good fit with you. All right. As in its values, the work you were doing, the area you in is not aligned at you at your core. Like it's something that you don't want to do. That is completely different. And when I say it's something you don't want to do, I don't mean out of fear. I mean, like, I never want to go into finance. I just don't know if someone offered me a position. I'd be like I just don't I'm an analyst but I don't aren't really like working on kind of like the budget the money issue, it's too much, I really do not enjoy that. That's something I don't like. And when I'm going to give you an example from my own experience, which happened to me, where I was offered a big promotion, and it was like, seriously, I did the same thing. Every single person, including my partner, my parents, colleagues, like take this role. But something was in my gut that was just telling me that I do not want this. But I was still I was just starting out like coaching. It was actually through coaching that I made the best decision ever, because it led me to where I am now. I ended up getting promoted twice and under a year in each area and role that I'm really passionate in. But it had to make that decision for myself back then I remember speaking to the person at the time being like, look, I realized through the coaching that I felt like I should take it because everyone else was telling me, I just didn't want to work. And I was had no interest. I didn't really have too much of an interest in that area. I didn't want to work in it. But I thought, oh, no, I
16:05
should take it. This is another thing I hear all the time. Like you should take these promotions, etc. Even if it's something that I deep down wanted, like I knew I could do the roll and I wanted it, but it just wasn't in the right area for me. And how I differentiated that was. Yeah, did I have some of those fears that will popping up around if I could do it? Well, etcetera? Yes. But you know, it was the strongest and the thing that when I really sat down and listen to myself, it was saying to me, you're not going to enjoy this product. You don't want to be in this area. I know, I don't have much of an interest in it. I do not want to do this. And against all the advice. Everyone said to me, I'm so glad I listened to myself because again, I ended up getting promoted two times under a year into a area and role that I genuinely love. And it's because I listened to my gut as because I dealt with all the thoughts that were like, Oh, but I should take it I should keep moving up. I can do like a lateral move. I should want this I shouldn't waste this opportunity. Because you're in this only comes around once. No, I listened to my gut and I built my decision. But that is how you differentiate the two. Which one are you leaning more into? And this is where writing out is important. Other thoughts about the promotion more around you and your capability? How you can do the role? Or your fit in the role? As in? I don't like the like do you like the area? Do you like the product space? Do you like the even like like liking the people that you're working with etc? Like all that type of stuff comes into an account. Here's the thing when you don't have drama about it when you don't have all the surplus Louis thoughts about like, I should take it, you know, because I just feel like this whole message around, you know, you should be keep going up in your career, right? Like, you should just not take a promotion or opportunity where you don't have that drama. You could so easy to make a decision for yourself around. What is the best decision for you? Right? And then at least you can deal with those thoughts around the fear etc, if you're good enough and all of that, because it's kind of like if someone offers you a house once beachside once countryside, and you like the beach when you just don't have drama about it. And you just No, no, I like the beach side, I want to live near the beach, do not want to live in the rainforest or wherever. It's just such an easy to easier decision. You're not sitting there going, Oh, but like everyone else, like I'm the only one that was moved to the beach and everyone else my family lives in the rain for I don't know why I'm using their own personal example. But you're me. Everyone else is living in the rainforest. And like 90% of the population living in the rainforest. And like, I should want that. You kind of like, Oh, who cares? Like, this is what I like and what I want. That's, that's what I mean. That's the difference. So when you take it as a blank example like that, like something you're not attached to, it's so much easier just to be like, Dude, you like the beach, live near the beach, that's totally fine. And then you do the work separately, because I think that's a bit separate to what else I'm saying, which is when you have a role and you have all these thoughts about fear of taking it, the fear relates to you, that is something that you need, I suggest with all my clients lean into it, lean into that fee, addressed them, write them all out, obviously come to me with coaching. And a lot of the times in my program, you get one on one WhatsApp support. So I have people in the middle of the day messaging me their mind drama and I am coaching them, I am giving them prompts, I'm giving them little voice messages as well, to help them through all that that's what you get. And I wanted to share that because I love absolutely love love doing that. And then seeing them just further their understanding and leaning into these amazing opportunities. Whether it's like more projects, accepting that promotion, that new area just getting more confident and like speaking up in meetings, it's so beautiful to see it's like yes, you are creating the life that you want that epic work and life balance. You are doing that right Right now in real time anyway that's all I have for today but I will see you next week