#137 How to Stop Catastrophizing at your Corporate Job

In today's episode I am going to tell you how to STOP catastrophizing at your corporate job and show up calm.

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Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/podcast 

Transcript

00:00

Hello, everyone, I hope you're well and if not, I got you at least you are here. My name is Michelle Kevill. And I help high achieving couple women feel passionate about their job again. Welcome to today's episode, if you have been recently following me and you are a little bit I'm your I'm ahead of you guys with the podcast episodes.

00:17

I've been pretty quiet on social media, I have been just doing lots of things in the back end, but I have decided to just do it a little bit more at my own pace. And now I was doing lots of stuff for the wedding, managing a whole heap of things and I've decided to slow down a little bit. And I'm totally okay with that. And just letting you know if you see me a little bit some who have been like, you're a bit quiet on social media stuff, I'm still here. I'll be ramping up as well. It's a slow staged progress. And I'm okay with that because I want to be taken care me and I decided after the wedding that that's what I was going to do. But I have some exciting things planned that I can't share just yet. I like working working on it all in the back end. I think you're going to absolutely love today's episode I can't believe no have talked about it before probably because this recently happened to me. And wow.

01:17

Like I would have had again an absolute mega meltdown, complete breakdown if it wasn't for the coach that I have but also the coaching techniques that I've just been practicing and managing and like just using in my everyday life so be so I am completely calm about this. Now I know how to move through it. And that is what I'm you know topic for today is how to stop catastrophizing at work. So again, as you know, and if you're new here, hi, welcome, you should check out my URL. first three episodes, probably the most important for you, especially if you have really big fucking feelings, they will help you through it. But also do that after listen to this one. Because I'm going to tell you exactly how to stop it. I'm going to give you a little bit of info and a little bit of science behind why we do it. And then a clear step on how to stop and really the real reason why you are catastrophizing, why you feel the need to be absolutely freaking out about it and continue to freak out. And even though people are telling you that that's not helpful, I'm going to give you a better way to calm down and feel so much more calm. Instead of just let it go forget about it go for a walk and stuff like that.

02:34

Prior into that, I will be opening up very soon coming up towards I want to say middle end of May back the epic Work and Life program I get. So if you want to hear more about that, get on the waitlist, I will have some spots opened up they are limited only ever take on a certain number of clients so I can give my absolute best to you as well. It is a customized program for you if you aren't going to want to go after really big corporate career goals but you also don't want to be overwhelmed and burnt out you have that drive again, you're high achieving. But you also want to have that work life balance you want to have an epic life. This is for you. I build you a custom six month program. I have done this for myself again, I've been promoted two times in under a year and my clients have been able to go for promotions without freaking the eff out they have been calm they still have their life they have more time now to do things. Kids oh my god head to the show notes link is in there to hear more about it. So it really catastrophizing is just you focusing on the absolute worst case scenario.

03:43

Like life or death worst thing and what I would add is you truly believe that it is going to happen. Now, back in the days before coaching I used to get told this all the time and used to have to pick out on when I was doing this etc. And knowing that you're doing it never helps when someone tells you oh my god, you're catastrophizing you're thinking worst case scenario. It doesn't help why isn't it likely helping for you? Because you really do believe what is going to happen? And it can not just that though it feels terrible. The feel it in your body feel like you are dying for me and it's happened very recently hence the podcast episode is I felt this like shot of adrenaline in the center of my chest. It went all the way through my body and my brain spiraled and just thought of the most horrific worst cases that were going to happen from this event that was happening in my life. And everyone around me was telling me that that is not true. And the only way I could get through it was not just with my coach but with also the tools that I was doing as I was like self coaching and gave me the idea for this episode. The reason you're doing this and I say this all the time and again, knowing the why can give you

05:00

You power into almost recognizing it. And for me, it gives me comfort in knowing that at the end of the day, we are all wired to be super negative, right? The super positive person back in the cave ages going down to the river thinking that there may not eat me this time around their diet being negative thinking worst case scenario, literally kept our ancestors alive. So we do just naturally have a tendency to think of the worst case scenario. catastrophizing, I would say takes it a little bit more than that. And what I also like to add for you is have a think back around the family environment, and also just how you grow up, I look at myself, I was just modeled this type of behavior, thinking of the absolute worst case and freaking the eff out about it was how we solved our problems. That was mirrored to me, and then I was doing the exact exact same thing, even in my corporate job all the time, even just now recently. And it is not helpful. Because a lot of the times we have to be thinking pragmatically, if we want to either a get ourselves out of these problems or be sometimes you just can't get yourself out of these things. And you literally just have to regulate until the event happens. And then go from there, like see the outcome. Now the reason catastrophizing for you might feel really hard when people are telling you to not do it, and they're giving you facts, and everything is because here's the thing, those types of things like and I'll talk about this, in it, actually, I think I will talk about this first, I'll actually talk about this right now. You can be super pragmatic, like you can list out all the facts of a circumstance, and you know whether it's really going to happen. And if you're, you know, what you're thinking, you know, is real and whatever, blah, blah, blah. There's a reason that that type of stuff doesn't work, like when someone is explaining to you, Hey, these are the facts of the circumstance. This is maybe you know, this is your best neutral worst case scenario that's going to happen. You're thinking the absolute extreme case like this is likely going to whatever the reason, you don't feel better. And the reason you want a lot of reassurance, because I was doing this recently, and my partner was like, Girl, sweetie, you need to coach yourself and speak to your coach, because I kept needing like reassurance that this thing was going to feel better. And what I realized is, if you were doing this as well, you are constantly seeking reassurance from people to almost rehash the same story, it's because you want to try, you're trying to feel better, you're hoping your brain will pick up on that story and start to believe what they're saying. None of this stuff works when you cannot regulate your emotions. So I always encourage my clients to actually say, Fuck all the, you know, thinking about black and white thinking and figuring out what's a fact and not go straight into your body. You need to be understanding how you are feeling and processing that like doing a body scan, noticing those physical sensations, you might think, no, that's not going to help me. Yes, it is. You can't think your way out of things. If you are freaking out all the time. And think of the worst case scenario. Again, you listen to my podcast, you hear this all the time, if you are turning on your stress response that turns off your thinking brain or your prefrontal cortex, you can't think then your way out of this potential situation. For me, there was no way to think of it out an event happened. And I just realized that I need to just let it go. And I just need to co regulate until the thing happens. And it'll be fine. Like I know it will be fine from all the coaching that I've done. But every now and again, my body will just get this like surge of adrenaline because it thinks that it's like getting threatened. A reason is catastrophizing as well a new feel that adrenaline is your body like that lower part of your stress response, whatever it actually thinks is a direct threat to your survival. And again, if you've been mirrored or sharing that this what we do is we freak out about these things. That's what you're going to do freaking out and catastrophizing about things has potentially kept you safe. In the past, it has led you to some sort of good outcome. And now your brains like this is what we do. But really catastrophizing doesn't do anything, you're just freaking out over nothing. So the end, you're having an intolerance to that feeling. Way back when I started my corporate career, I used to do this so badly, but what I used to also add to it and what you're likely doing as well is you are getting having an allergic I could I should, I'm gonna totally do a workbook on this. You are becoming allergic to the feeling. You're having an allergic reaction to a feeling. It's almost like you have now you know, you're having this feeling and now you've developed like anaphylaxis, because you're reacting to how you feel so you're freaking out about something. You're thinking worst case scenario, you start to spiral you know, your heart is racing, etc. Then you start freaking out about that you freak her out about the fact that you have all these emotions inside you and you feel like you are so into

10:00

tolerate them. I could have never described this to myself before coaching. And I just thought that I was just kept having these extreme reactions. And really all it was is I was freaking out about having feelings. That was it. That's all that was happening 99% of the time, you're just freaking out about how you feel in your body.

10:18

And I know this, because when I did my model, which I'm looking at right now, on the thing that was happening, all that was happening is that I was worried about how I was potentially going to feel in the future of what stress that was potentially going to happen in the future. And then I just assumed, I assume that this a worst case scenario will happen. Like, I really believe it will happen. Hence, this is why I'm feeling this way. But because of all the work that I've done, I was immediately as I wrote that sentence able to distance myself. So from it, because I thought, Ah, my brain is customizing. Of course, it's going to give me this worst case scenario, and I'm having reaction to that, I can stop that reaction. I don't have to believe that this is going to happen. I can accept that every time I think about this, that I'm going to have this like thought and feeling. But I don't have to react to that. Do you know how fucking powerful that is, and has led me to not break down about this thing? Honestly, I should be so free, like, I should really be absolutely having a full on meltdown. But I'm not just fine. I'm just going about my day. And I'm just literally gotten to the point where I'm like, whatever is going to happen is going to happen, because that's life, or things are gonna happen in life that you can't control. And that's okay. Now, to get to this point, again, you need to be doing body scans, you need to be working with your body, working with some of those emotions, then do some of that cognitive pragmatic stuff, write out the facts of the circumstance, write out what your brain is actually doing. Why do you think you believe the worst case scenario? Why does part of you want to be attached to that story?

12:06

When I work with my clients, one on one, and they are catastrophizing, like, it's always to do with I will lose my job. And then when I you know, take them through my skills that I've you know, also mastered myself, and I'm helping them to master to, and what we flush out really is, how to identify when your brain is being, frankly, an idiot, and how to distance yourself from these emotions so that you can calm down really quickly. Because the your brain I've just accepted and know that my brain a lot of the times, especially in different emotional states to like when this was happening, this was lots of other stuff happening as well. So my emotional state, I want to say was maybe a little bit heightened. Now looking back on this, and even looking at my thought download model, I'm literally looking at it with a clear brain, like much more regulated now being like, Why was I thinking this, like this is a bit extreme.

13:00

And this is where this stuff is really important. Because otherwise you can get sucked into it, you can keep ruminating on it. And again, when you ruminate, and you replay all this stuff in your mind, you actually make it so much worse for yourself. Again, your brain doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's not real. And you're actually almost like, like, traumatizing yourself in a way. It's like, it's like your brain thinks it's happening to you the same with this worst case scenario. It just thinks that this is it. And I need you that feeling you have that sense of urgency. It's like do something, please escape the bad thing that is going to happen to me, I cannot handle this right now.

13:38

And when you don't do that, again, you're having that allergic reaction, that anaphylactic shock to the feeling because your body is trying to tell you excuse me, we're going to die. It literally thinks you're going to die. If you're new to this, I know that sounds crazy. But again, it's like your brain is just self preserving. The thing you're thinking about the worst case of losing your job to it is just f and it wants to avoid that and it wants you to do something it was to motivate you to do something. This fear and anxiety again with our ancestors got you to run away from Tiger fight or flight response doesn't work now says allow time our brains have not adapted to the 21st century, you need to be so much more switched on regulated, calm, using your thinking brain in order to navigate life's problems or curve balls that are thrown at you. In this specific situation when you can't really think your way out of something or think of ideas or potentially you just need to wait for things to happen again.

14:41

You just need to be okay with the feeling of like I just get surges of anxiety randomly and I just need to process it and I need to remind myself that Oh, it's just my brain believing the absolute worst case scenario. But what is like a neutral investor? Oh my god best case. That's something I also want you to do. Write out your absolute worst, best and

15:00

usual case scenario, because you just haven't even entertained in your brain, what could possibly what could go well from this as well as what I was doing. And that was something that my brain was like, Ah, interesting. And I say this all the time, all this just comes down to also a root thought that you have about yourself, or even the situation, but really to you, for me, it was I just don't want to feel how I think I'm going to feel in the future like I'm afraid of that, really, I'm afraid of feelings, I actually cannot control this event that's going to happen, which could or may or may not happen the way that it's supposed to. And really, all I need to do is just regulate myself until it happens. But I have a ton of evidence and a ton of experience doing this before working with a coach being a coach myself. And again, I was just one of those moments where I sat there and was like, wow, I could have really had a major freakout. But I haven't, because of everything that I've learned, which is why I encourage you, if this is where you want to get to where shit is hitting the fan at work, you are being put under a ton of pressure with lots of projects, your boss etc. But you want to kind of show up like me right now, where you're handling it, you're calm and collected, you're also enjoying your weekends is this hasn't taken away from my weekends, some a little bit of emotions have popped up, I've been able to move through it and move forward again, get on to my epic working life program. Sign up is in the show notes below. And this is something that I help my clients one on one manage because it's such a skill that is lacking, right, I am sorry that I had been doing therapy for years. I did not learn it this way. I didn't master it this way at all. Coaching has been extremely beneficial for me, it helped me get promoted two times in under a year. I really did because my mindset had to change in order to move through those hurdles and those growth opportunities. And I didn't lose my social life because of it anything my whole life has expanded and I'm living my dream life and I want you to be able to do the same thing because it is possible. So sign up the show notes and I will leave you to it and I'll see you next week.