Ep #142 How to stop feeling worthless in your corporate job

In today's episode I am going to tell you WHY and HOW to stop feeling worthless with an exercise you can do today to feel even better!

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Transcript

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Hello everyone, I hope you're well and if not, I got you at least you are here. My name is Michelle Kevill and I help high achieving corporate women feel passionate about their job again. Welcome to today's episode, it is heading into winter. I know some of you I coach everyone from all over the world and a lot of you or my clients who are in like the UK in the US are telling me about how it's getting warmer and it is getting colder here in Australia and I'm just looking out and it is a dreary, it is rainy. I do love this weather though, when I'm indoors, I do not like traveling in this weather or even driving in this weather. But here we are. You're also joined today by my puppy lair, who is having a little snooze on my lap. And sometimes every now and again likes to lick the lake, but there's a like a sound pop thing. Like the microphone, there's attachments. And now again, she just pops up and gives it like a smell and like a little lick and is like looking at me being like what you do and mom. So she is here on my lap today. And for some of you, you would know that I have now opened up the epic Work and Life program. It is my six month one on one transformational program. Or I am taking those big career goals that you have, whether it's a promotion, whether it is more balance, and just an enjoyable work life and I'm making it a reality. I'm taking you from being like super overwhelmed and just hustling really hard to easily being able to work towards a promotion actually doing like, more but in less time and giving yourself a break without it being like a mock on your reputation. And it's a it's just great because it's everything I've learned over 10 years being in corporate and my years as a coach and I've condensed this down to a six month program. If you go on my website, you can see video testimonials even on my you know, should be on my Instagram or Tiktok I talk about it a little bit their link is in the show notes to book in a discovery call. And like go on. I won't talk about here because I weren't hijack the whole episode, you want to find out what it's like to have a discovery call. Hit me up on Instagram. I have stories I have posts actually talk about that a little bit more I do a little bit more sometimes on Tik Tok as well. But mainly Instagram is where I'm kind of talking more with my audience tic toc is I do a lot of informative videos and building a mini series at the moment. Yes. Now, what you are all here for I am going to talk to you today about and again, I've do this with quite a few times. I'm trying to figure out the title for the podcast. But basically, are you feeling absolutely completely worthless in your job right now? And are you over it? Are you maybe for you, you have come off the back of a project, you've received some feedback, you are taking their feedback pretty hard like it is affecting you. And you just don't feel like you're absolutely good at your job. And you are just like almost drained. Like it's like this. Like you're over it. And you are looking at LinkedIn about new jobs. But ultimately, you just want to quit entirely because you just do not care. And you're just so sick of this is this is how you're feeling. Stay tuned, because I am going to tell you firstly, the real reason you feel this way and how to get out of it, how to stop feeling so worthless. Firstly, it's so common, at some point that you are just going to feel like you bring no value to your job that you are just inherently a potato. And nothing's going to change and you have no skill set and that everyone else is better than you. It's normal, you are not weird. It is so common. I am consistently getting. I actually did this off the back of not just some stuff with my clients, but some people on Instagram who have also just reached out to me and I wanted to kind of create an episode to get dentists all down and chat through it a lot of the time. What I see this commonly where this happens is two things. One is you've started a new job, and you're learning the ropes. And you are comparing yourself to other people. And the second thing is when other people are getting promoted and you are feeling like well, I could have met that role or why not me, etc. Because what's happening is the worthlessness sometimes it's coming from the fact that you were just comparing yourself to this other person or these other people. And what you're doing is just putting yourself in a bad light and a bad lens. You were just saying that you do not meet the expectations of these people you're putting placing these expectations on yourself, but you're looking around you being like I need to be at this level. I see this so commonly in people who've just started a new job or have had like a career transition shift, because they very quickly want to hit the ground running. And I always ask them, Why do you want to hit the ground running and So he's like, oh, I want to get up to date projects, you know, help support blah, blah. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. What's the real fucking reason? You like, you have time? Like, why are you setting like the expectations being set, like within a month, know everything, you know, know what the person who's been here for 15 years knows. And I'm gonna say it really bluntly, okay? It's because you're insecure about your own abilities and your own capability. That's normal, by the way, okay? Of course, being an environment is going to trigger all of that, because you want to be just as competent as everyone else you. Because if you're not, or you don't feel like you are, you're not giving yourself the chance, or believing that you can learn this over time. You are kind of met with that reality, you're met with all those thoughts. See, you're not good enough that this person is doing more than you, etc. And I see it come up with promotions as well, because it's kind of like, well, why them and not me, like, what do they have that I don't have. And all of this, this worthless feeling just comes down to something has usually just triggered or picked up on an insecurity that you have about yourself about your capability and abilities to do things. And you'll notice this in things and areas within your corporate career that you do and don't like to do. Now. There are things that I absolutely love to do, for example, analysis is one of them, right? And that is because I have really strong beliefs and evidence that I'm good at coding and putting numbers together. And so therefore, I do enjoy it, then there's a don't like I don't like Part one is just things that I neutrally don't like doing like genuine admin, like, I don't know, saying you KPIs for the type of stuff like, Oh, this is all around, again, the review, etc. But it's more like brushing your teeth, like it's an admin task, it's like, yeah, we have to do this, whatever, then there are things that I don't like doing that I really, really, really do not enjoy. And I always do not enjoy it. Because the thing touches on my own insecurities about myself, because I'm stretching my capability in that area. Before when I didn't know this, I just would be like, I hate this, I don't want to do it, I want to run away from it. Now I actually lean into it, because I know, it's something that I need to stretch myself into that I'm like, Oh, this just relates to an insecurity that I have about myself. And this belief that I actually really need to be working on, which is that I'm not good enough, or that I can't do x as well as this person, or that I should be better versus that I am enough as what I am now and I'm learning. This is where this worthlessness can really come in. Because then if you're not good enough compared to everyone else, then you're not meeting their level. What value do you bring, especially when our whole identity is usually tied up in our corporate careers? So in essence, and summary, the reason you feel worthless is because you have a thing you don't like about yourself, like, do you think a baby is worthless? Do you just think that because technically, technically speaking, depending on what lens, you look at it, it is it's so it's, it can't contribute to society, it can't do anything, it can barely walk, it can't move, it's crying can't even communicate with you. Right, we look at it through that lens, yeah, it's worthless, we look at it through the different lens of like, you know, it's your own beautiful child, that is one day gonna grow up, etc. And even if like, doesn't not like a Benjamin Button scenario that does not relate to this. But you know, I mean, even if it was just a baby, like a pet actually pets a good example, because pets to me are like, kind of babies you have forever, like they don't grow up and leave and get a job, they just stay in your house and stay like a little three year old for ever for the rest of their life. You don't think they're worthless, like you just love them for existing. And that's what you need to do with yourself. I know that sounds very Kumbaya, like, Oh my God, just love yourself for who you are. But the problem is the pressure you're putting on yourself to either get that project right perfectly, or be like this other person so that you can get promoted. Or I need to learn all this. So I can be like everyone else means one, you crush and destroy your authenticity and who you are, and those strengths and skills that you bring to a corporate role, but also is not fucking enjoyable. Like seriously, it's an edited it's not a cohesive environment for you to learn. Years ago, when I go and coach and I found all this stuff. I remember saying to myself, like I would always put a ton of pressure to just quickly learn and I get really, really upset. And when I realized and I started to slow down and I really, you know, had the courage and I built up the confidence to communicate, this was my capacity at the time. I was able to learn more quickly, and then do more faster. You are ruining and stifling your own growth. When you are expecting yourself to be like the person who's been here for 10 years. He just can't do it. It's just I First of all, it literally is not possible. So you stifle your own growth when you don't allow yourself to grow. It's like shouting at a baby being like, start fucking walking right now I think the baby would cry, because it's like, Why are you shouting at me? This is not a conducive environment, it's not a conducive environment, don't think I'm saying conducive, right? Because you're probably pushing yourself into a fear response. So when you're in a fear response, you're not switching on your prefrontal cortex that is, so what you need for work all the time. It is very frustrating. I say it's frustrating, I was having a conversation about this with a colleague, actually, which is not conducive, I'm gonna keep using that word, by the way, we're not conducive for work, our brains are not made for work, we have not adapted to the 21st century, or the corporate world at all. Corporate world is literally just input output. And I know I'm very like simplifying it right now. But it is at a high level, just here's a problem, go away solve it. But what happens as humans is we apply all these emotions, thoughts on top of that, we're co mingling with other people, and they have their own personalities and thoughts, etc. And those personalities for some work well, and some dark and that's ultimately what leads to a lot of issues, I would say at work, right? That doesn't mean to say that, like, hang on a minute, these issues sit outside like interpersonal, right, like me with, you know, not liking someone else or their work style, right. But if everything if we treated everything like a robot, like everything, this project failed, and you will own if the project if you were just treating it like right, what do I need to do to fix it? Then that's going to be a better outcome than freaking the fuck out about it ruminating on it, getting upset when say your manager is getting mad at you, which again, isn't good, like a robot, an AI robot would not I think maybe it would, but hypothetically, if it was just pure, like ones and zeros here, just happening, no one will be getting angry at anyone, it would just be like, here's a problem, I'm gonna go away and Silva I'm gonna try fix it. Like the way I think of it is like running code. When you get when you have an issue with the code, an error pops up. So I just imagine like everyone actually being like robots, and just being like error for for like, don't compute needs to like, fix this up. And so everything can flow. We're not we're emotional adults. And a lot of the times what we don't puking realize, and I do not feel is talked about enough or taught. Another reason why I do this podcast is that a lot of this is just happening at a habitual automatic level, like you don't even know that you are making this job mean, so much like you're putting a whole worth and value on it. And when something fails, you're thinking you suck, and that you're terrible at it. But actually, you just have this deep belief and insecurity about yourself. And all that's happened is it's triggered it and you don't even realize that you acting this way, whether it's super depressed, and no crying about it. Again, not judging, I did this all the time. Maybe taking leave, maybe not opening up to your boss about like, what really happened or getting support you need is worse. But that's because your body is running on old code that used to serve you. Back in the day when you were a kid. And it's again running on its own habit. And you just think I think the perfect example I want to give them a little bit separate of this is I still remember one time a few years ago when a manager all sat us down and said, You guys need to tell me when you're overworking and no one was telling that my boss that we were like over capacity, we were all new. All of us were new. So we have no one experienced really in the team. We're all just kind of trying to survive or overworking. And then my boss or not my boss, sorry, my partner was just like, Oh, thank God, they said that, like now you'll finally tell people and I just got really mad. I was like, I can't believe they said that. My partner was like, What do you mean? Like always like, like this boss, like manager just said that like to tell her as if like, I can do that. And he did not understand he was like you're getting permission to tell them that I'm like, No, but this is the job like I have to get this done. And my partner was so mad at me he could not understand he's like you've literally been given permission to go ahead and tell your boss, your manager, when you're at capacity. You're at capacity, why are you not going to tell them? And I said, I can't because it's the job and I have to get this work done. That was the thought that I was riding behind. I like looking back it was just like such a belief and sense of like, force around that like, no, I need to be getting this work done. And I didn't realize look until you know, coaching. The reason I felt that way is because I was tying all my self worth into it. But your brain is going to make you think that no, it's the job. It'll use any fucking excuse even when in this case, I was given permission to like slow down, you know, learn and open up without my capacity. I still didn't take the bait. I was just like, Nah, I'm not gonna take it. I don't want to do that. And I just was like, This person is wrong. My manager is wrong. telling me I can do it. And I'm just like, No. And there was this drive behind to I remember where I was like, No, I have to get this work done, I have to get it out. Like this is important. Like it just, it did not resonate with me. And it would have kept not resonating with me. Unless someone like it wasn't until coaching, which is why I do this fucking program. Because half the time you're stepping in shit, like you're stepping in your own field. Um, you know, step on yourself, hitting it hitting yourself in the face is a better one, you hitting yourself in the face. So I'm going into all of that. But I really want to hone in on the fact that your worthlessness is actually tied in to the fact that you don't think you're worthy, you don't think that you bring value and skills, and it's probably pulling on an insecurity that you have. So this is what you need to do to get out of that. What I strongly suggest is to write out the things that you don't think that you're good out, and then write out the things that you are really good at, right that you do that and people are like, No, I don't want to fucking do that. I'll tell you why it's a good thing. Your brain only has evidence that you shit, right. And look, there are just some things the end of the day, like, we're all just little video game characters with set attributes, okay? If you want to be a wizard, you need high intelligence, but you can't just be a wizard with high intelligence, and also high strength. That's not how it fucking works, you have high intelligence, and you have low strength. Because you need a focus, like you need to hone in and become a subject matter expert on one area. Right? So your weakness is going to be that your brain is just constantly focusing on the weaknesses, it is never focusing in on the strengths. And the problem is we have a negativity bias. We're always bringing up all the things that were shit out. And then we're just reinforcing that. And we're recreating that, versus what are the things that I'm good at? And what are the things that I'm learning? So what are you good at? What aren't you great at and what is it? Okay, like, if you could give yourself permission, if you relent some of the pressure? What could you just let yourself learn and lean into that? uncomfortableness? This? Some of you, not all of you, but some of you are not doing these fucking exercises that I'm telling you to do. And I'm telling you, this is fucking gold, that I give you on the podcast that people do pay, I would say like hundreds of 1000s of dollars for do the shit I'm telling you to do. Getting Real direct. Now. Do what I'm do this, if you want to love your fucking job again, listen to me. Write it out, fucking send it to me if you want. If you keep yourself accountable, I don't care. It's important. Because you will really start to change your life when you do this. On the other end, if you can just ease off some of the goddamn pressure in one tiny area where you're like, hey, here's the thing that I'm doing, I'm expecting myself to learn this one thing in an hour, could I just break it up into like a week or something like that, I guarantee you, you will learn faster, you will enjoy your job more, you will also just get recognition. Because the people who are stifling themselves, I've seen it before I help my clients with it, I did it myself. They're putting themselves down and saying I need to let us in this container. And guarantee you you're giving office energy and vibe in the office that isn't to scare you or give you more pressure. I even see this as well with other people, myself and other colleagues and then I discreetly and like Hey, it's okay. You can ask questions to still be learning. And that's not just because I'm a coach, like I think everyone to an extent, does that, if that makes sense. Like we see other people we see them trying like, don't treat yourself like you treat yourself how you wouldn't treat other people. Like you're giving everyone else like I don't doubt you're being lovely to the new person who's still learning and being like, oh my god, it's fine to worry about it. But are you doing that for you? Are you doing that for you? Probably not. Why not? You have set expectations for you, but not for this other person. Give yourself some fucking self compassion. Like, when people are like, why you're shouting at me through the podcast, through my speakers, I'm hurting it in because sometimes like this, do this stuff I'm telling you to do it's gonna it's going to help you. You give that vibe off in the office, I guarantee you and this isn't to call you out or be mean. It's basically highlighting what you don't know. Like, it's almost like you're not confident in the fact that you don't know the thing that's actually called like it's emotional maturity. And a lot of the times when I see people do that, it's because it's coming from a place of shame and they're trying to people please a way out of it. It's like a foreign response. It's like, ah, but like, I'm still learning all this stuff blah blah. Like obviously it can come from different place like sometimes I've been said hey, asking lots of questions because I don't know x but I am confidently just being like I don't know this shit. Hence I need to ask some questions versus is kind of funny people please response which I used to do way back in the day where I was like, oh my god, like it's so much to learn and I'm trying all these things and I'm really trying hard like your shirt. trying to prove that you're trying. And again, it's not to call you out if you're doing it or for you to freak out and then go, oh my god, I'm gonna fuck up my career or something like that. It's all about the energy that you're bringing, when you were just confident in the fact that you're like, you know what, I am new. And I don't know this stuff. And I need to learn from you. And I need to ask you some questions. That gives us such boss as energy, versus just like, oh, please help me Oh, my God, like, I'm trying to learn everything, because you, you are self aware of what you do. And don't know, managers fucking love that corporate loves that, we want you to be aware of what you do and don't know, because then you can fill in the gaps. I am not, I have weaknesses that I'm also working on. And also, I literally cannot know, everything that there is about my corporation, or I can't know also marketing, and like how to build a website or something like that, like, I just don't. So I need to leverage on other people to get knowledge if I need to push this project in or pull the right people in. That's okay, that's totally fine. Anyway, that was my spiel. Again, you know why you're worthless? Or why you feel worthless? It's coming from a place of insecurity. So write out what you're good at what your weaknesses are, where can you be a little bit more self compassionate, and ease off? What is it and think of like, some tangible actions that you can actually do as well. Like the example I gave with, you know, instead of like, and I hate it's so funny, the way my clients have said this to me, like, I'm gonna read this thing in an hour. And I'm like, What's the thing? It's 100 page document on so and so. And afterwards, I will just know everything here is about this quote, I was like, No, girl, you're not gonna do that. Why would you expect your employees to do that? No. So don't do it to yourself, Where can I be nicer to myself, that is gonna help you exponentially. And if you want to take this even further, because it's not just this, there's gonna be other things that are popping up. And I cannot touch in this podcast and there is just good shit that I look up look behind a paywall. I'm gonna be honest here. I also run a business. I care about you guys. I have the podcast, I have my free training sessions. I have some a few coming up towards the end of the year. And if you want something and it's gonna be absolutely life changing, that's in my epic working life program. i You will now yeah, you can now book a discovery call. So if you really, uh, like I want some fucking change, I wouldn't sick of feeling this way. I'm sick of coming home every day. Absolutely fucking hating my job. Wishing I was somewhere else. If you want to get to a place where you're going from this place of just absolute like, like over it to like real passion, again, the passion you had when you're a fucking intern, that exciting energy book in a fucking discovery call because I can help you get that I've done it for my clients. Building an amazing not just balance but the passion and energy again, they're working on challenging projects that push them, but they're not like killing themselves over it. They're getting recognition because they're showing up completely differently. And they're not like, you know, overwhelmed like freaking out about it or like spending all their weekends on it. You don't have to give up your time with anything you're gonna be able to do more in less time. Alright, that's it for me. I'll see you next week.