When you've gone through trauma, the brain tends to amplify it's negative bias, creating negative anticipation towards uncertain things.We find ourselves planning for the worst, as it gives us a sense of power and comfort.  It make...

 It will be essential, at some point, to admit to and embrace the authority and power you rightly, naturally possess to direct and govern your life.You cannot exit codependency without this vital step, as it will keep you tethered ...

How a therapist, coach, mentor, support community, or even yourself view codependency and codependents directly influences the outcomes, results, and transformation you experience (or don't) in that relationship.This is why it is crucia...

The Importance of Gains:What is a gain?  It is a positive outcome we receive through a choice we make or a choice we do not make.  An example:  I gained my peace of mind by not going back to the dysfunctional pers...

Pain vs Your StoryTransformation of a person's pain-filled life to a joy-filled life is the journey of healing and becoming who you truly be.  It has three Phases:  Survival, Healing, and Creation  And in ...

Burden of CauseWhat is the "burden of cause"?  It is a term I use to describe believing you cause other people to treat you the way they treated you.  When we are enmeshed this way, we will internalize people's beh...

De-centering others and centering yourself in your life is *necessary*, not selfish.It is about understanding what matters personally to you while setting aside other people's opinions and perspectives of what you should be centering in...

Knowledge overwhelm is a primary factor in experiencing freeze, procrastination, and loops of stagnation when you're trying to heal from trauma and instability.The mind's ravenous appetite for knowledge is driven by a fantasy that "if I...

Going Slow - It Is A MustTo heal, we must sloooooow down.To know ourselves, we must sloooooow down.To find direction in our lives, we must slooooooow down.Codependency, trauma, and the culture of "productivity" d...

Being neglected, being abused, being shoved into the world without guidance, care, shelter, or protection wired our attachment systems to be on high alert and braced for danger.Depending on what feels safest, your attachment system may ...

Emotional Perfectionism, Part One:  Making sure you feel the "right" things, not the real thingsI define emotional perfectionism as the rigid habit of feeling what one "should feel" in order to satisfy the real or perceived expecta...

Creation Phase is where you arrive with the ability to determine what kind of experiences you want to have, and then using your personal power, intuition, and skills, go out and receive those experiences.This all depends on knowing what...

The Healing Phase is the deep work of unbecoming your codependency and discovering who you are beyond your pain, trauma, and survival self. This is where we develop the necessary skills, experience and expertise we didn't get growi...

Survival is the phase we all start in.  It is the phase where we realize our codependency and begin the big work of healing that codependency and become who we actually are.This phase is noted by the presents of:- Anxiety

Quitting - It is necessary in the healing journey.Quitting relationships.Quitting fixing.Quitting chasing fantasy outcomes.Quitting.It makes space for new, healthy outcomes to come into your life....

Episode: Why you only love yourself when things are going wellWhen we live from a love equation that says "I'm only lovable when...", we are being controlled and manipulated.  This leads us to invest precious time, energy, and atte...

Two Hidden Factors That Short Circuit Your Self-LoveReally, actually loving yourself is a profound challenge when we come from codependency and love-is-earned relationship and family systems. We are striving to earn the love, earn the p...

Episode:  The ONE thing that absolutely prevents you from loving yourselfTransaction, earned love teaches us that we must - MUST - seek, chase, and perform for love.This means we have to be "just right" in the eyes of the o...

Why You Struggle To Really, Actually Love YourselfWhen you're rewarded with praise, attention, or affection for doing something, your body will see performance and love as the same thing.When you're presence is met with warmth, ...

Codependency And Shame - What's Really HappeningYou cannot become free of your codependency until you break free of what I call "Your Root Identity".Codependency depends on a root identity.What is a root identity?  ...

3 Priorities For Satisfaction If You're CodependentDo you often feel: - Empty, frustrated, or used? - Wonder why your life is not fulfilling or satisfied? - Feel lost as to what you want, value, or even ne...

You're Not Emotionally Blocked - You're In Need Of LoveThe term and concept called "blocks" is prevalent in the self-help and healing world.  It is something that sabotaged my healing, satisfaction, and personal alignment with my p...

3 Things You Must Unblend From Others If You're To ThriveCodependency has us blending ourselves with others.What is blending?It is confusing one's self with another's reality.  An example: You know their feelings an...

3 Things You Must Trust In Yourself If You're To Heal And ThriveAbuse and neglect conditioned you to naturally distrust yourself.  You learned to discount the legitimacy of your lived experiences, the importance and value of your e...

Navigating New or Foreign Experiences That Come From Your Growth And HealingAdapting to new results because you're choosing different people who behave differently is challenging. It is also one of the more risky parts of o...