How to know your worthiness: A guide to help anxiety and depression.

Have you ever felt like you're constantly chasing the feeling of being 'enough'? Join us, Amy and Nikki, as we bare our souls about the silent battles with self-worth that many of us face, yet seldom talk about. We delve into our personal journeys through anxiety and depression, illuminating the elusive quest for self-acceptance in a world brimming with unrealistic social media standards. This emotional rollercoaster of an episode peels back the layers to reveal the transformative power of realizing your inherent value, just as you are.

Imagine a world where your self-worth isn't tethered to likes, comments, or the perfect selfie. We tackle the pervasive influence of social media, sharing candid stories of how it's shaped our lives—from Nikki's eye-opening experience in the fashion industry to Amy's own battles with digital detox. We don't just highlight the problem; we offer practical strategies to cultivate a healthier sense of self. Through intentional habits like surrounding ourselves with positive influences, engaging in consistent community practices such as church attendance, and nurturing supportive friendships, we discuss how to build a more stable foundation for our self-esteem.

In the tranquil finale of our conversation, we explore the serene understanding of worth through God's eyes, a perspective that offers peace amidst the chaos of societal expectations. We reflect on the power of uplifting others, the challenges of instilling values in our children against a backdrop of competing voices, and the courage needed to evaluate life's influences. By embracing the profound love and worth bestowed upon us, we encourage you—and ourselves—to love authentically and celebrate the unique value you bring to the world. So, come along on this heartfelt journey with us, as we reaffirm our worth and purpose.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to the Lovely Dots podcast, where we believe that our words matter, giving you proof that you can change the world one word at a time, and you get to be 100% real. So let's have fun.

Speaker 2: 0:33

Welcome back to the Lovely Dots podcast. I'm Amy, I'm Nikki, and today we're going to be talking about self-worth and how we believe people are really valuable, and kind of where we're going with this is. There's a root problem with how people struggle to believe in their self-worth and how valuable they are. We want to kind of get down into the nitty gritty and talk about some things that we don't think people are talking about.

Speaker 1: 0:57

Yeah, basically, I think, and I think you agree, that there's a root problem. I think, and I think you agree, that there's a root problem. There's a root problem behind all of these issues surrounding mental health that we're talking about in culture these days, why there is such an epidemic of anxiety issues and depression issues. And it isn't just that, you know, social media causes us these comparison problems, um, or, and that there's a lack of connection. It was like what is the thing behind everything that we're really not talking about? And that is understanding our worthiness deep down. I mean, how many of us can really say that I feel, on a daily basis, 24, seven, that I am as worthy as I know I am, I am, and by that I mean that I'm as as awesome as capable at you know, as unique, um, you know just, purposely and wonderfully made, all right.

Speaker 1: 2:03

How many of us can really say that they feel that way, even half the day shoot, even two hours of the day? Yeah, you know, um, I know that I, I have a continued struggle with that, but, um, knowing that you are worthy and that I am uniquely and wonderfully made, that you know, stems into everything that I do. So, if I. If I can come back to that, then you know a lot of anxiety and depression happens in my life, dissipates, so I know that that's true for a lot of other people. And now I'm not saying that this is a blanket statement, that this is always the root of those issues for people, but I am saying that overall it is a big problem that I see in a lot of my loved ones. I don't know if you've noticed it with people around you, but I just really don't see people understanding that they're awesome.

Speaker 2: 3:00

Yeah, I think, even more than knowing like that we're awesome, like that is what we hope for, I think would that we hope that we can get to that place knowing that we're wonderfully made, I think, knowing that our self-worth is in the fact that we are valuable and we are worthy of love just as we are, because God created us and we are created in his image and he knows us so deeply, he knows us better than we know ourselves. And I think that if we cannot look at ourselves and say, just as I am, even in my mess, even in you know the tough things, I'm worthy of being loved, and if we can't say that, then it's almost like we're diminishing who God created us to be.

Speaker 1: 3:58

Yeah, yeah, I had heard something really cool lately. Someone had compared it really cool lately. Um, someone had compared it to, uh, this story. So this dude buys this artwork of a potato, just like a potato.

Speaker 2: 4:14

I know right, it's a good story already.

Speaker 1: 4:18

Um, for, like I forget, I'm going to say it was like $2.5 million of a potato. So you know, instantly I'm like, oh, it's like Andy Warhol or something really cool like that. That's why Makes sense. And that was the case. Like it was a famous artist that had done this spud potato situation and that's what made it so valuable. But then he compared it to like, yeah, it's valuable because of the creator that created it.

Speaker 1: 4:47

And I loved that analogy because it really hit home with me. I was like, yeah, in my, in me myself, like maybe I'm not. I know I mess up all the time. I'm definitely not perfect, not even like half perfect. So that hits home with me.

Speaker 1: 5:03

The reason why I can say, yeah, yeah, I am worthy is because god is worthy and god made me, god made me unique and called and I feel very passionate about that, especially with this message um, that that's very important to me.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Um, just knowing that in myself that's a work in progress, it really pushes me forward to be like dude Amy, everybody around us like this, this life can be so much more freeing and so much better and joyful, just if we can get behind the actual notion of what that really means that you can relax in who you are and that you are worthy of love.

Speaker 1: 5:48

You're worthy of all the things you're. You don't have to change who you are. And so much of my life there's been all these messages that I am not enough, like that's been my um soundtrack that I'm trying to turn off in my head continuously those words you are not enough. And I know I'm not the only one with that and I don't honestly really don't remember where that started. But I do know that I am enough and I do know that everyone I see around me is enough and they need to. They need to feel that way. So that's that's why, you know, lovely Dots has been such a big, passionate mission for me and why I think it's so important to to get out there and help people understand this in a deep way.

Speaker 2: 6:50

So, and for me that starts with science. But Well, and I think you know what's interesting is like I've been learning about all these things is, as a believer for me, I have for a long time only like allowed Christian voices or the Bible or people that I fully, really super trust be inputs into my life, about like gaining knowledge and things like that. But recently I have started to realize that there the science of some of this stuff is so directly correlated to the Bible and what God says about who we are because he created us, and that's a lot of what science is which is fascinating.

Speaker 2: 7:32

So I've been allowing myself to allow other voices that maybe are not traditionally what I've allowed into my life and listening to them, and then, of course, gauging based on what I already know is this true, is this helpful for me to pour into my life?

Speaker 1: 7:48

But yeah, I think there's a huge connection in science to who we were created to be yes, and to me, it's like I get so excited every time there's like this little nugget that I'm like oh my gosh there is a scripture.

Speaker 1: 8:04

That ties right back to this. I love watching the Netflix series and then and seeing, like biologically, what happens to us when things happen, and tying it back. But, um, really it's, it's this idea that you know, there things are contagious, like kind of what you're just talking about, like being careful what you consume and what comes in, um, and and how that affects how you relate to who you are and how you think who you are. You know, things are so contagious and, um, part of that is good and and I think focusing on that instead of focusing so much on the bad, which is so easy to do right now. You know, like I keep coming back to social media, but we just know that that was like such a huge player right now with with how we see the world around us.

Speaker 2: 8:55

Yeah, um, I heard something the other day about we were not created to live in a world where there was constant information, media content coming at us. We were. You know, if you think back to 100 years ago, they didn't live that way. The way that they got information about a war or about different things, it came much more slowly and they had time to process those kinds of things.

Speaker 2: 9:26

Now, where you live in a world where it does not matter where you go or what you're doing, there's some kind of information being thrown at you and I think we don't like it's overwhelming, you know, and we allow these things to speak into our lives and allow ourselves to determine who we are, based on what we're seeing and experiencing. And I mean I know personally for me I know not everybody has this struggle and I know you've told me you don't have the struggle but for a long time I was struggling with spending time on social media, on Instagram, on Facebook, but part of it was it was a way for me to numb and not have to like feel my feelings or experience like the life going on around me, because sometimes I think we just want to just turn it off.

Speaker 1: 10:21

Sometimes I think we just want to just turn it off.

Speaker 2: 10:22

Yeah, and so having social media and seeing other people's lives is kind of like oh, this is brainless or mindless for me, and in doing that I started to realize how it was affecting me and how I thought about myself and looking at these other people and assuming that their life was perfect or, like man, that mom's really got it together.

Speaker 2: 10:50

What am I doing wrong? And then going back to being harsh on myself rather than hearing what God says about who I am. So I literally had to hand my phone to my husband and say I need you to put a passcode on my social media so that I'm only spending X, y, Z amount of time on this like to, to be able to help myself, help my family, really, because it was taking time away from my kids and I think things that we see there definitely affect our self-worth. It's because, like, we're listening to all these different voices.

Speaker 1: 11:26

Yeah, yeah, and you know it's that's like. The epitome of comparison is the thief of joy. It's so true. For me it's. It's very much um, you know, from a fashion lover's background, it's appearance, for for me it's not as much about, like, how I'm doing the mom thing or all all that, but that's, that's a real, that's a real comparison too. It's.

Speaker 1: 11:49

It's like oh, I don't have the coolest wardrobe, or, you know, thinking that I'm going to walk out of the house and somebody at the grocery store is going to care whether or not I got scuffs on my sneakers. You know like, and, but I don't. I wouldn't normally think those things if I was living like my husband does, where he's just like, yeah, that kind of matches, he doesn't care. No, he doesn't. And there's something beautiful about that. Tone down, this need to to feel like part of my worthiness comes from appearance. And, um, really keeping keeping up with the Joneses, I guess, is the best way to put it, because in the fashion world that's what you do. Yeah, yeah, it's season by season, honey, you better have the hottest thing on, and that's what I was going to ask you about, like being in the fashion world.

Speaker 2: 12:48

I cannot imagine the like missing self-worth, like was there in the people that you interacted with. I mean, I think there's a difference between self-confidence and self-worth, right Huge. I think it's possible to be really confident, right yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:10

Because that's skill based, confident in your skills or your abilities.

Speaker 1: 13:16

Yes, how good are you at accomplishing or doing these things? But, yeah, worthiness is so much deeper than that and that's also something that we're not taught or that people really talk much about. But I do. I have a specific memory of working in California at a company and I was always one of the bigger girls in all of the fashion team and and all of the fashion team, um and I I think it was on purpose that people would hire the, the skinnier girls that look like, you know, not necessarily models, but like they just a persona, that are like a image that they were trying to continue with.

Speaker 1: 14:03

Yes, they fit the image, um, and I just could never be that Like I wasn't born that way, that's just.

Speaker 1: 14:09

I'm just not that and it's taken me a long time to to really sit okay in that, at least a little bit, um. And but anyway, I have this memory where they were having a contest to see who could lose the most weight, and it was who could lose the most weight compared to what they started out as. And I have this memory of my boss telling me that I needed to be in this competition because I could win, because I had the most potential to lose the most weight, and she said it in a nice way, like she thought she was being nice. But I will never forget that feeling of like I clearly don't belong in this group right now, or they don't think I do, and then how that made me feel in comparison, um, and how that affected my worthiness for a while, because it definitely wasn't tied to what it needed to be tied to. I was sitting in that. You know I'm seeing all these people, not what.

Speaker 2: 15:12

I am. Yeah. So you're saying our self-worth doesn't come from our abilities, doesn't come from the skills that we have or the things that we think that we should have and be good at. Our self-worth truly comes from knowing that you were created to be loved and to be ultimately in relationship with God, and that's our value, that is our worth and that is so simple but so beautiful and we cannot seem to like get it right about ourselves. At least, I feel like it's a lot easier to look at someone and say I see so much value in you, nikki, you deserve to be loved, cared for, protected, no matter how much you weigh, no matter if your sneakers have scratches on them. But I think it's easier to see that in other people than it is to like see in ourselves. And I think it goes back to like what words we are saying to ourselves and what we're allowing in and to speak into all these things to be more prevalent in your heart and your mind. Whether you think that you're like taking that stuff in, you are right.

Speaker 1: 16:40

Yeah, it's not something you just get to like automatically, automatically dismiss after you've watched it or listened to it. Like these, these things sit with you, you take them in and they don't leave you in a way like you can recall them. You know like I'm telling all these stories about things I remember. Yeah, it's, these things stick with you and like I mean, I can remember how certain shows made me feel even or changed my demeanor for a little while. Yes, and that is just scary to think about.

Speaker 2: 17:14

so, yeah, so we've kind of been talking about how we're allowing all the things that we are consuming to be a factor in determining our self-worth, or realizing that that's not true and that's not accurate. So how do we turn down the volume on what culture says about who we should be, or our value as a human? How do we turn that down and turn up something better?

Speaker 1: 17:48

Yeah, Well, really it's. It's just about replacing, I think, okay, and part, partly. That is really you know it sounds so cliche to say it, but being in the word like replacing the messaging, and I I mean we know, and I mean we know, we know that that is true and and that does negate some of that. But I mean, obviously you also need to like turn down the volume by like turning it off, like what you, you did, you know, and placing limits on really what we're consuming. But, um, I think also it's about you are the top five people you spend the most time potentially number one.

Speaker 1: 18:35

I'm kind of like, okay, I spent a lot of time toddlers. What does that really say? But um, but I think that that's very true is like who, who is, who is speaking into your life? Uh, where are you going on a weekly basis? Who are you being around? Um, and being really aware of that, and I think that's so hard, at least for a lot of people.

Speaker 1: 19:02

I think it's so hard because, you know, we all have these friend groups that have been around since they were itty bitty, or at least some of those friends, and I can't say that all of those friends are great because, you know, either I've grown or they've grown, but they don't always speak well into your life and the way that you're trying to grow and the woman that you're trying to become now, or I'm trying to become now, even in a personal way. So I think, being aware that you know it's okay If you have to diligently Bird your life of bad influences, you know, I know I have some friends. They're, they're awesome. God bless them. Man, there I have this one, one particular friend and he, he is just like he can be on fire with encouragement, like the way that this man speaks. You're just like it's, you're almost in awe because he can make you feel just like the most priceless friend in person and he just has a gift for that. But he can't see that in himself and he surrounds himself with people that are a hundred percent bad influences, and I don't know what words they're speaking into his life, but I do know by their actions they're not leading him towards being the kind of guy I know he wants to be. It's so evident to watch and I can only imagine how hard it would be to get rid of some of these friends that are just keeping him held down. But I think that that is huge.

Speaker 1: 20:42

You know being intentional about who you surround yourself with. You know for me and I know for you, we, we go to church weekly for our family. It's non-negotiable, I mean, unless there's like sickness or something like that. But no matter if we feel we want to or not, we know that that's going to speak life into us. Um, and and you know, I have some friends that I love being around, obviously, but talking to them on a weekly basis non-negotiable for both of us. Just because I also know that, like, it's not just the friendship we have, it's the encouragement that each other brings to the relationship that helps us move forward on a weekly basis, and we both are very aware that like this is important because of this, so I think it really is being super intentional yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:35

And I think that our habits play a big role in this. I know for me, in regards to my thoughts, I have pretty habitual thoughts about certain things, or about myself, or about things in general, but also the things that I do and when I do them. You know, I think we're pretty like creatures of nature you know that's the way you say it.

Speaker 2: 21:59

I've had creatures of heaven like creatures of nature. You know, that's the way you say it. I've had creatures of heaven. We're also, we are, a creature of nature. We are creatures of nature. You know what I mean. Yes, creatures of habit. Yeah, okay, you knew where I was going.

Speaker 2: 22:16

But we are creatures of habit and I think that you know, like I said, like I come home from work every day, I need my like few minutes of decompress before I like, engage with other people, like we have different habits, and sometimes that's pulling out my phone and looking on Instagram. It it takes intentionality and thinking through okay, when am I allowing these things into my life? Am I saying yes to hanging out with the friends that I know, like I love and they're so dear to me? But I know that it's not going to, um, fill me up or grow me as a human, you know, and there's, it's. There's nothing wrong having friends.

Speaker 2: 22:53

I think that you know, don't necessarily fill you, but it goes back to thinking about who are you spending your most time with or what voices are you allowing to speak into your life most. I think there's some value in that, but our habits are really important and if we're not changing them or setting new habits, then we're going to continue in this grind of the same old, same old, and our thoughts of our self worth are not going to change. Right, this is interesting and I this is kind of ridiculous, but I was driving to work this was on Monday and I drive by this little nail salon on my way and it had this big old sign in front of it that said new management. And I was like why does that warrant a sign on the front of this nail?

Speaker 1: 23:51

salon New management.

Speaker 2: 23:53

I'm like, okay, so I started thinking through this and I'm like what does that probably mean to them? And I got to the thought of like it probably means that there's change happening for the people that work there, for the clients that come to this nail salon, and it's worth like putting out there and letting people know that like change is happening and I think that that is true for our lives. You know, if we can be open and honest about like wanting to change or wanting our habits to change, um, it allows people to like keep us accountable in that. The other thing, too, I started to think about was, like, when you become a follower of Christ, like it's like putting a sign of new management on your heart. Like you know what I mean. There's new management here. I'm letting go of this control over how I live my life Right, and I'm allowing Jesus to be my guide on that.

Speaker 2: 24:50

And I I don't think this nail salon thinks, by putting this sign up, that things are going to change one 80 and it's going to all be super great and perfect, and I don't think that's the way it is with following Jesus either. Yeah, I think that I mean. We're adult women sitting here talking about self-worth and this is like the basis of being a child of God, and we're still talking about it because it's obviously a struggle. There's not a 180 change when you choose to follow Jesus. But if it becomes important and you allow that control to be under new management and you don't have to like worry so much, I think that, um, if we can let go of that control and seek what jesus is saying about who we are and who he created us to be and man.

Speaker 2: 25:34

What if we did that?

Speaker 1: 25:36

yeah like.

Speaker 2: 25:37

What would that change?

Speaker 1: 25:38

well, I think that you're getting at this something here. It's like I don't think that most people can fully imagine, visualize, just take in what, the possibility of what it would feel like to fully have that trust and that um be enveloped in the idea that I don't have to to be all of these things. Everybody's telling me that that what God has made me to be is okay, and I'm not saying, like you know, if you got issues, to not work on them for sure, Like if you have anxiety, if you have depression and you feel like you need help.

Speaker 2: 26:18

this is not. We're not trying to like solve that for you through this conversation. I think there's so much value in talking to someone or seeing a counselor. I don't think that's what we're trying to say, Right.

Speaker 1: 26:31

But like what is it like on the other side of truly understanding your value and worthiness? And you know, it's sort of like one of those things like where I think you know people are like you need to get healthy and lose weight and eat the right things and you know most of us are like whatever.

Speaker 1: 26:51

I like Doritos, it's totally fine and and potatoes going back to your giant spuds, yes, okay, but you know it's hard for them to to visualize what could possibly be better than me eating this delicious chocolatey gooey ice cream sandwich.

Speaker 1: 27:12

Sounds amazing right now, and I'm totally pregnant, so that makes sense. But what we're saying is it's like there are these things in life and this is one of them where I fully believe. Uh, on my journey and I'm not even there yet, to be completely honest, I'm not even halfway there probably of understanding my worthiness because of who God made me to be Like, there's so much peace and freedom and joy in in being able to sit in the realness of this is who I was made to be and I am going after what I feel God has called me to do and be the person that God has called me to be to the best of my ability. Of course, I'm going to screw up, but that gets rid of so much of the feeling of anxiety. Am I enough? Am I doing enough? Am I accomplishing enough? And for me, that's always been my go-to is I feel like I'm worthy, more worthy if I'm accomplishing Right.

Speaker 2: 28:13

Like checking things off the list of like oh yeah, I got that, Exactly, Got it figured out yeah, got it figured out, yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:24

And I think that if we can help other people see that that this is totally worth it, this goal, or or even giving them a glimpse of that, by speaking into their lives and letting them know, like, look, I see you, I know that you are a very skilled eloquent speaker. I know that you are funny and fun to be around. Like just saying the things that you're thinking, all the good things you think about the people around you, and helping them to get to the understanding of their uniqueness and and the awesomeness that they bring just by being in life. I think that that's where it starts Now. I think that that's our job and I think we need to be talking about that more.

Speaker 2: 29:04

Yeah, I think words can totally speak life over somebody or they can speak truly death over someone. And you know, we're talking about how to do this for yourself, but also for other people, and thinking about just like as a mother and having my young kids growing up in this world that we really didn't grow up in. We're getting to this here in adulthood, where there's the constant, like voices of culture or media being thrown at us, our kids, this. They know nothing different, right? So, like looking at my little people, who are so precious and so innocent, and trying to help them understand that they're worth being loved, no matter what, whether they did something bad, they did something wrong, they messed up like trying to teach them that, no matter what, we love you. And I think, for me at least, this that's where I'm like trying to intentionally focus and start that in my life, because I want them to grow up knowing that they are valuable and that they have self-worth and not have to look to other people or other things for that, because I think that's a lot of what it is is. If we don't have that foundation of knowing who we are, we tend to look to other things, um, to fill us or try to fill that hole that we feel like we're missing, um, and that can get to an unhealthy place, I think, like real fast, pretty fast, depending on what you're trying to fill that hole with. You know, yeah, the God shaped hole, yep, yeah, well, it's interesting too, um, when you were talking earlier, um, I was thinking about that verse.

Speaker 2: 30:52

I think it's Paul that says it. I don't know, paul says lots of good stuff but, um, where he talks about everything is permissible for me but not everything's beneficial. Like literally, you can, you can do all the things, you can bring all those things into your life. Cool, but is it good for you? Like eating some ice cream every once in a while? Like that's okay, but man, like, if that's just your every night after dinner snack a big giant bowl, like that's probably not, long term, great for you. You know, tell me this Sorry, nikki, I shouldn't tell this to your pregnant brain but yeah, I think that that is a lot of it is. You know, there's a lot of stuff out there that we can be speaking into our lives or allowing to speak into our lives.

Speaker 2: 31:37

But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's beneficial for us, especially in this realm of talking about self-worth.

Speaker 1: 31:43

Yeah, I think that's key. So, in closing out this episode, we have a challenge for you. Let's take an inventory and I'd give it a feel for who is in your life that's speaking into you. What are you consuming on a regular basis? What's what's going on around you that's affecting how you feel about you? Um, and just really do a dive into okay who. Who am I? Who am I? I am. I am called to this purpose. I am loved. I am unique to this purpose. I am loved. I am unique. Are these people, are these things speaking into that? Supporting that, and feel free to shoot us a comment. We'd love to hear how you've, what you've come with this inventory and and how you've evolved after listening to this episode.

Speaker 2: 32:43

We love being a part of your journey, or even if, if you, if you feel like you're further along in this journey, then maybe some of us are and have some valid wisdom to share with us. We're always looking to hear from you guys too. Um, I think it's just so important to stop and assess where you're at in your life and and if you feel like you have don't have that self-worth foundation, um, stop and and try to figure out why. And it's not going to be perfect we're not perfect, we're still working on it and working through it but I think the the best way to learn to love yourself better and to love others better is by knowing your worth and knowing who you are and who God says you are. We think you're amazing and that's why we're here, that's why we're doing this, because we think that you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.

Speaker 1: 33:36

So thank you for tuning in today. Be sure to subscribe, like and follow, and see you on the flippity side. See you next time.