The Lovely Dots Podcast
Duped by Artificial Intimacy? A Roadmap to Real Connections
Remember the days when flip phones were the height of technology? Join Niki, & Amy as we reminisce and then take a deep dive into the digital evolution that's transformed our relationships. From the constant buzz of notifications to the curated lives we scroll through daily, we reflect on the undeniable pull of social media and how it's reshaping the way we connect with each other. Listen to us unpack the paradox of being so connected, yet often feeling more alone than ever, as we ponder whether our brains are being rewired for instant, yet superficial, gratification.
Ever wondered how your self-worth stacks up in a world of perfect Instagram feeds? We grapple with the impact of FOMO and the curated realities, amplified by Photoshop, that skew our perceptions of self and others. As we share stories from the heart of the pandemic, where digital became the new normal, we delve into the emotional complexities lost in translation from physical to virtual interactions.
We explore how intentional community engagement can offer a balm to societal isolation and the joy of connection that lies in community-oriented living. Whether you're an introvert taking tentative steps towards social engagement, or simply searching for your tribe, we celebrate the power of human connections made beyond the digital interface. Tune in to Lovely Dots for inspiration on how to weave the thread of real relationships into the fabric of your daily life.
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Remember the days when flip phones were the height of technology? Join Niki, & Amy as we reminisce and then take a deep dive into the digital evolution that's transformed our relationships. From the constant buzz of notifications to the curated lives we scroll through daily, we reflect on the undeniable pull of social media and how it's reshaping the way we connect with each other. Listen to us unpack the paradox of being so connected, yet often feeling more alone than ever, as we ponder whether our brains are being rewired for instant, yet superficial, gratification.
Ever wondered how your self-worth stacks up in a world of perfect Instagram feeds? We grapple with the impact of FOMO and the curated realities, amplified by Photoshop, that skew our perceptions of self and others. As we share stories from the heart of the pandemic, where digital became the new normal, we delve into the emotional complexities lost in translation from physical to virtual interactions.
We explore how intentional community engagement can offer a balm to societal isolation and the joy of connection that lies in community-oriented living. Whether you're an introvert taking tentative steps towards social engagement, or simply searching for your tribe, we celebrate the power of human connections made beyond the digital interface. Tune in to Lovely Dots for inspiration on how to weave the thread of real relationships into the fabric of your daily life.
www.LovelyDots.com
Facebook
Instagram
YouTube
Welcome to the Lovely Dots podcast, where we believe that our words matter giving you proof that you can change the world one word at a time, and you get to be 100% real. Don't you like that fun?
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the Lovely Dots podcast. I'm Nikki and I'm Amy, and today we're going to dive deep into this conversation of technology and social media and relationships and how it's keeping us from actually being in deeper relationship with other people. Being in deeper relationship with other people and there's some disconnect there, even though we might utilize it in a way that we think we're connecting with people maybe. So we're going to just talk about how that can be harmful if you're not looking for these signs, maybe in yourself, or acknowledging, if you're struggling with this or, you know, hopefully give you some ways that you could talk to somebody in your life that maybe you want to dive in deeper into relationship with them or give them advice on how they can do the same. Yeah, so I guess to start it off.
Speaker 2:Where do you think this problem started?
Speaker 1:when I could name drop someone that you know, I think when we started to go from flip phones to phones, that it's basically like carrying a computer around in your hand. I mean, that's really what it is you can pull a computer out of your pocket and you can look up information. You can. I mean, we're driving in the car and my kids think it's fun to be like mom. Ask Siri this question and I mean it is fun. I mean it is fun, but it's also like we have come to this place where we rely so much on technology or the things that we can look up online or social media and how we feel connected with people through that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you think?
Speaker 2:Oh, totally. And like these bots that you can chat with that feel literally like you're talking to a regular human, that I think it's so easy to get confused in what's real and what is not.
Speaker 2:And you know, I've been thinking a lot lately too, about how all this plays together, because you know our kids- are like yeah, siri, you know they're growing up in this world where they're like, you know, it's just normal, yep, and we realize that it's not because, you know, back in our day you like we had like legit encyclopedias and stuff when I was in elementary school yeah, dating myself now. But you know, and now that we just look everything up and we can just ask our phones and they will tell us, like that is okay, so we're gonna pause right here.
Speaker 1:If you wanted to get on the internet in your home when you were in middle school or high school, what sound immediately comes to your mind? Go static sound, yeah, okay. So I mean people that if there is any young people out there listening to this, you have no idea what it was like and you had to make sure no one was on the phone on the landline yeah, because you would kick them off or there'd be like some weird interference if you had to make sure no one was on the phone on the landline?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you would kick them off or there'd be like some weird interference if you wanted to use the Internet. But it is wild and it's amazing how much technology has progressed in 10, 15 years.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:To the point that you know you would look at someone if they didn't have a phone. If they said, hey, can I borrow your cell phone? You'd be like, do you not have a phone? If they said, hey, can I borrow your cell phone? You'd be like, do you not have a phone? Or what's happening?
Speaker 2:here. Are you going to take?
Speaker 1:it. I'm really confused. I think the problem starts to be how it affects our brains, and we don't realize it, though. Would you agree with that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Because if you start to feel, if you start talking to something and you're like like it's a real human, it's only a matter of time, especially if the response is awesome, until you really start to feel like, oh okay, this is real, like this is fine, like, subconsciously or not, right, well, when I was doing some research about this.
Speaker 1:I think that we can all acknowledge that picking up our phone, opening our phone to scroll or to go to social media or to play a game on our phone even there's a dopamine hit Totally. So we've talked a little bit about dopamine before and how it's your body's way of like letting you know that, ooh, this feels good and then you subconsciously want more dopamine. So you're going to do different things, unless you're literally thinking about your thinking or you're looking into your subconscious of like. Why am I every 15 seconds picking up my phone when I'm bored to look at it?
Speaker 1:You know, because we want something from it.
Speaker 2:Like the like and the follow, Like those are huge, huge hits but not real Like. That's the thing is. It's like you know thing, Even with this podcast, when we first released our big debut. It keeps being real here yeah.
Speaker 2:I was like you want to know, are people really, are they jiving with this? Do they like it? Is this going to be a good thing? And you really only have to go off of what you see online, because it's not like you see Bob and Nancy every day to hear how this is great. We totally thought which to go off of what you see online. It's not like you see Bob and Nancy every day to hear like, yeah, this is great. We totally thought which. You know some people. Thank you to those people who told us they loved it. But it's like you know you rely on these likes and follows for connection to understand am I cool, am I legit, am I seen, am I valued, like all those descriptors? And that's not a real depiction of where you land in life, right?
Speaker 1:Well, and it's easy to get this false sense. If we're talking specifically, just like about social media right now, it's easy to get this false sense of knowing somebody, yeah, when in reality you know I mean, we follow a lot of influencers. I think a lot of people can say that they do and it gets to this point that you feel like you know I mean we follow a lot of influencers. I think a lot of people can say that they do and it gets to this point that you feel like you know this person, um, when in reality you don't. They have no idea who you are, which is okay, like they're. Hopefully, their platform is something that is gives you some fulfillment or helps you maybe grow as a person, kind of thing. But on the other side of that, if you look at how many people you're friends with on Facebook or Instagram from high school, college, that kind of thing we're friends with people that we don't really know. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And we get this false sense of feeling like oh, I know what's going on in Chad's life because I see what he posts on Instagram or Facebook and I like it every once in a while, or I make a comment, you know. Yeah. And I don't know, I don't know how many times someone has I've been in the middle of a conversation. I'm like, oh yeah, my friend I saw the other day and I'm like, are they really my friend or just somebody that I see their stuff on Facebook, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 2:But that's totally accepted now too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have this one friend, that yeah because, it's real, yeah, but it's like you said, it's not cause it's missing so much, and I think that this is something that we're not really talking about as far as it just being so, uh, so much of a facade, is just that there's not this combination of highs and lows, so, like you don't really understand, like you know, like whatever. So Chad, maybe he does think something that ticks you off every once in a while, if he was your real friend, but then he is super loving and really great and has all these great other qualities and you love him for that. You know, like you don't have this balance. You only see, like Chad's highlight reel. Love him for that. You know, like you don't have this balance. You only see, like Chad's highlight reel. And so then this friendship becomes such a flat plane of just this is what I think it is. It's all what he wants you to see, and our friendships lack real connection, partly because of that.
Speaker 1:Right well, because we I mean, we were not made for life to just be hunky-dory all the time. That is not reality and we know that right. But when you are only seeing somebody's highlight reel, you start to assume like why is their life so good and great or why do they get to do all these things? And here I am struggling through the thick of it. You know, and of course it feels vulnerable to post stuff like that online, and I wish more people did say the things that are hard or like when they are struggling, because I think that would bring a little more reality and truth to a situation. But if you think about your relationship with another person, the way that you continue to dive deeper and connect with that person is by doing life with them, like you said, in the highs, in the lows and when the hard stuff is really hard, and you're willing to step into that with somebody and you can come out on the other side with them. Like that's how we create deeper connections and friendships.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's like there's a lasting chemical response with that too. It's not some like little dopamine hit and I think that especially people that spend so much time on their phones, they don't get that Like, and that grows loneliness in a way that I don't think a lot of people really understand that's what's happening, like then happiness, or just this unease of them not feeling fulfilled. In one way is this loneliness that comes from, that of the lack of connection, of having that reality with people, and I'm so fortunate that I'm around so many different people at this stage in my life that it really causes me to be around a lot of highs and a lot of lows. To have that variance and just the difference in my mental health is astounding after coming out of this phase where I really was this like closet entrepreneur where you know, I was just like building, building, building behind the scenes, you know, doing life as a young mom, or rather a mom with young kids.
Speaker 2:It's a total game changer to really feel that in real life, and I don't think that a lot of people are talking about that, right.
Speaker 1:So we kind of talked about how we get this dopamine hit in our brain. You know, that's some things that go on um in our body, like physiologically. But what's the research say about kind of how it affects people to be seeing this stuff on instagram, social media, you know what? How are people responding?
Speaker 2:it's actually really interesting from some of the research I've seen. They're basically saying that there are two camps there's some men's and a women's camp. Surprise, surprise and it was interesting that the real like hazard for guys was that they became less socially intelligent as they became more immersed and more immersed in social media and online presence and, like continued overuse of phone, just inability to like socially connect and know what to do with like human connection type of thing.
Speaker 2:And then for women, that not necessarily was that was also a thing, but it was also that they were more competitive and had this comparison issue, which makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1:to me, really, as a woman, that feels like very true, but yeah, I this is, I mean something that I had found myself doing, I don't know why. It was almost like on a subconscious level and I started to notice it, like scrolling through Facebook and seeing someone, like one of your friends posting something and maybe not liking it, not because I don't love that person or because of whatever, but I read where we do that because it's like, oh well, they're gonna get more likes or love on their picture than my picture that I posted the other day and it's you're not even like thinking that at the forefront of your brain, but it's like this subconscious thing so I'm not gonna like it because it's like that competitive comparison thing.
Speaker 2:Yes, isn't that ridiculous? Well, and it's like sidebar here it gets like even worse. As women who are successful there's plenty of science around that too that, like women, just do not like subconsciously, just to like the other women that are going to be more successful than them.
Speaker 2:Like you really have to have an intentional mindset, yeah, and I think that is just crazy, but very much makes sense, you know, and that's why a lot of like people who have successful businesses or are really awesome in their career, just like seem very successful over all, they don't get as many likes and follows and stuff like that A lot of the time on their personal accounts at least, because their friends don't see it that way, especially if their friends that have been around before they were successful mm-hmm like that is the interesting thing to me, yeah and it's like there's not what it.
Speaker 1:There's not even necessarily competition. Like, oh, you own a hair salon and I own a boutique, but I'm not gonna because there's the competition. Like, yeah, like we want each other to be successful what is? Is with our human brain.
Speaker 2:It is crazy, but I think this goes back to like. What we always love to talk about is the intentionality. Like really being aware of like, okay, why am I feeling this way? How, who do I really want to be? Because you know all of us, I think would answer something like we want to be the type of people who support the people who are trying to be better. That are people who are trying to be better. That are people who are trying to grow you know, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree with that. The other thing that I encountered when like researching about this is the term FOMO, you know, fear of missing out. Social media and things like that allow us to see things that even when we just had our computers to get on Facebook and look, you know, you had to physically sit down at your computer, get on Facebook to type or, you know, interact with somebody's post. Now we can pull up our phone anytime we want, check Facebook and see what everybody is doing. So then we start to have this experience of like Nikki went out and did this stuff and she invited Sarah, but she didn't invite me. Like that's so hurtful, Doesn't? She know how that hurts me, you know, when in reality we're making assumptions that are probably absolutely not even true, and then how does that harm how we think about ourselves? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Then how we think about other people Like what Maybe she's not such a good friend that I want in my life, when it's it didn't even cross your mind? Yeah, you know. Yeah, it wasn't intentional to hurt anybody, you know.
Speaker 2:It's just an example of being caught in our own sphere of existence and not being able to step out of like all right, so we are not the center of everybody's universe. You know, we think we are.
Speaker 1:It's how it feels. It's how it feels Nobody thinks about us in reality.
Speaker 2:Man, that's a hard lesson to start learning, Anyway, it does. All of that definitely affects our self worth, you know, like it. Just it can tear you down so fast, and there's so many things surrounding this issue of being immersed in online everything that really bump us off track when it comes to understanding self-worth. You know, like, even like Photoshop. Yeah. And you know all these images where we're highly filtered and edited, and do you?
Speaker 1:think that like helps us, like disconnect from what's reality, and so then we have a skewed view.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And perception of like what should I look? Like what I mean? How does this?
Speaker 2:how she looks so amazing all the time yeah, I mean man, I mean I love, I love those filters and Photoshop to be able to do that, because in the get go you're like, yes, okay, like I really can look.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're like, I know if I spent five hours on my hair and makeup I could really look like that, but ain't nobody got time for that. Ain't nobody got time for that. But yeah, it subconsciously again begins to skew our perception of what's reality. So let's talk about this. Social media aside, covid happened, right, yeah, and what were we told to do?
Speaker 2:Stay at home.
Speaker 1:Do not interact Do not go around anybody.
Speaker 1:Stay at home, do not interact, do not go around anybody. You know, and I think that was really harmful to a lot of people, to their mental health, to things that maybe they were already struggling with, and then to make them feel cut off from other people could be harmful, you know. But I heard something the other day that since COVID people have less friends because they've gotten comfortable with kind of isolating or keeping more to themselves or just getting what they think they need from technology or however they're interacting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they think it's okay, which is just astounding to me. Yeah, but you know, and something else that's crazy is that in surveys, people report that they feel happier doing that, they're more satisfied doing that and having all of this online than they were before. But it's also proven that the reason they feel more satisfied is because they have lower expectations of what that actually should be not that they're actually happier and they're just not aware of the difference. I think that's interesting.
Speaker 1:So many people work from home. Now you know what I mean, and I do not. I think that would be weird if you came to my house and I cleaned your teeth. You know, that could be crazy. I mean, that's the black market stuff there. I think, but you know, there's certain jobs that cannot work from home, but there's a lot of jobs that I think they've found.
Speaker 1:people can get a lot accomplished working from home and they don't have the overhead fees of having a location for employees to come and work, that kind of thing. But I wonder, I don't know. This is not research, at least on my part, but, like you know, when you're working in person with people, there's going to be friction, there's going to be conflict and more opportunity potentially for conversations about that, Whereas if you're working from home or, you know, doing the zoom calls, I feel like it's going to be a little bit different and not as much of that like emotional connection. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's how you, that's like how you figure out your place in life and how, how, how you feel alive is having the friction, like you have to have. Like I said before, you have to have the highs and lows, you have to have it all, otherwise it feels. One note it feels and that, deep down, I think we all know that. That is like the root of loneliness.
Speaker 2:And you know, like I don't care if you're on zoom calls or if you're you know, I don't know having some live chat, it's not the same, it's not the the same. Any chance you have to edit as well, is not the same, true? Yeah, so it's apparent that we use technology for a lot of things, one of which being to numb, to avoid and to not to same connection. So do you think that this is really how we're supposed to be?
Speaker 1:No, like God created us as social beings, he created us for community, and if we can get comfortable without that, then that is a big red flag that we're missing out on something that God had intentionally made for us. In the Bible it says that man was not meant to be alone, so God created Adam a partner. You know what I mean, and I think that in life there's friendships, not just relationships or marriages, that fulfill us. You know what I mean and I think we both heard something to this extent and you can elaborate with me here. But I heard that 80% of the people in the world I think 7 billion people now a lot 80% of those people live in a community or tribal type capacity, meaning what's that mean?
Speaker 2:It means like multi-generational capacity meaning. What's that mean? It means it's like multi-generational, so like you know, grandma lives with you. Mom and dad live with you or close to in like same uh area. You know, like your whole family's there, like you don't decide to leave, like we do right I'm gonna move to ohio and just me and my husband, and we'll have kids there kids and then, when they're old enough, they'll go on.
Speaker 1:So why do you think 80 like I think our american brains are skewed to like believe that that's how everybody lives, right, you know but 80 that's insane.
Speaker 2:Why?
Speaker 2:why, are they living like that man?
Speaker 2:There's so much, there's just like so much to gain and honestly, I didn't give this a ton of thought until I saw, like the netflix show about the italian way of living. Oh, okay, and know they do this. You know, like there's grandma eating at the dinner table, you know, and she has trouble doing everything but everyone's cool with helping her out, you know, and it's like there's this sense of you know it's what they have to do, but at the same point, you know it has that high and low situation where you experience the bad with the good on a high level, with all these people combined in this community, tight community. But I think it makes the connection so deep and that these relationships are so much more worthwhile and so much more supportive and so much more in depth and real innocence than what we get to experience because we don't live like that and it just goes to show like when you're in a situation, or intentionally put yourself in a situation, where you have to be that way, right, that changes the whole game changes everything.
Speaker 1:So about five years ago, I went on a dental mission to Africa.
Speaker 1:We went to Kenya and our dental team, kind of split off from the other teams that stayed in Nairobi and we went to this village in Turkana and these people lived this tribal lifestyle. Now, you know, each kind of like family unit had their own hut that they had built and created, but they literally they took care of each other's kids. Each of them had a role to play in this community to make sure that everyone could thrive and survive to the best of their ability. Right, it wasn't just about me or your family. You know what I mean. We're all taking care of each other. And the most beautiful thing that I experienced with those people was like they were filled with so much joy they had literally nothing but the joy that they exuded and like their desire to share what they did have with us was so evident and like it really like convicted me to think about like the lifestyle that we live here in America, you know, and like, honestly, they have community and they have to rely on community to survive.
Speaker 2:Real community, right, yeah, yeah. And we don't like. We think we can do it all ourselves.
Speaker 1:I think that's the thing. It's like we think I can do it, I can handle it. Or where does that mentality come from of like I can do this on my own, I can suffer through it or I can push through I don't know, but it certainly wasn't very long ago, because it used to be that, like you stayed in the same town that you grew up in.
Speaker 2:Like that was not, that was a normal thing. So I mean, we're not too many generations out from what that used to look like and I'm sure that, like plenty of historians could point to lots of places in American history where this is just continued to go down a different path. But, man, I tell you, it's just like I. I long for people to understand what that really feels like, at least to a degree, because I think that that will get rid of so much of the illusion that we live behind that, this numbing and, you know, just going to social media or online, whatever it is, for our comfort, instead of finding many of those needs in other people, in relationship with other people. I think that would be different.
Speaker 1:I literally say this almost every time I go to Bible study. I have a group of girls. I previously said that I get to see them twice a week. I meant I get to see them twice a month and every other week. And it feels awful when I have to miss a week for something, because then it feels like forever that I get to see them. But every time it's like on a weeknight. I'm tired after a long day of work and it's real tempting to say, you know what? I'm just going to stay home and rest and not go. But when I say no, I'm going to be intentional. I signed up for this and it is important for me and it fills me every time I go I leave. First of all I don't want to leave, because it's like these people fill me up and they help me grow so much, and so it's like. Second of all, it's like I don't regret going and spending that time with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, and that you really hit on that, because this whole idea of finding a group, finding your community like, is so key and I think that's so difficult in a way for people to start doing that are not already involved in a church or some type of like after work activity, hobby or whatever it is. But I mean, there are, there are ways to do it now and I think, just seeking that out, and especially for me, I'm going to say, you know it's through church, because it's easy to connect with people on this level of belief and you know they're seeking to support you in like a plethora of ways.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's so many ways to get connected. Yeah, in that realm, I guess. My other thought is like I'm a pretty extroverted person and my cup really does get filled by spending time with people. But what about for the people that maybe would feel more introverted? You know how? How can we give them advice on this? Because it might feel way more comfortable to just stay at home or stay on Instagram, you know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's baby steps, because being introverted definitely like I think I'm introverted in a lot of ways, but that's a real deal. But to sit in that and say that I am more comfortable being alone and I prefer that, so I'm going to live this lifestyle where I don't need community, is untrue. And to understand that and say, okay, well, maybe this is uncomfortable, but hey, you want to know, I really like cats.
Speaker 2:I'm going to go to the cat cafe and join one of their little groups where they meet once a week. I don't know what it it is. Maybe it's something not as off the wall as that. I think it is actually more Japanese or Korean, or something that.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about. Are there cat cafes in our area?
Speaker 2:I don't think there are cat cafes.
Speaker 1:Okay, next business idea.
Speaker 1:I see what you're saying, something specific, like maybe that feels a little comfortable to you, that you could step out, and the other things too. I think I mean for me as an extrovert, like everybody's my best friend, like you're my best friend, I have a best friend, lindsay, I have a best friend, andrea. I have a best friend, adrian, like, but they are like my best friends for different parts of my life, or like that fill different parts of my cup, you know. But for the people that that is like whoa Amy, that's overwhelming. You don't need one person, two people that are your close people, that you can invest the time in creating that relationship with. Um, I think that is valuable too, because I think we just assume, like, oh well, I have to be friends with everybody and that's exhausting.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm glad you said that. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, as long as it's like offline and real, you know connection yeah real life connection like how many of us can say I've sat down and talked to a person for longer than 30 minutes in the last week? Yeah, I mean you and I do it all the time, but that's not fair. It really isn't fair, but it's delightful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it is true, Like and that's part of it too Like what prevents us from finding that connection.
Speaker 2:I think it's just this illusion that we don't think we need it, Because if you can believe that lie then, it's much easier to make any excuse that you want.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we make the excuse of time too, like, well, I don't have time or maybe energy even to muster up spending an hour with someone you know what I mean or like, because if you're having a true connection, a true relationship, it's a two way street. It's not just, you know, nikki gets to share all of her hard with me and I just listen and take that on. That's not how a true, deep relationship forms, I don't think.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know it's a give and take and we share the burden, share the load, the load yes, but kind of touching on what you first started to say.
Speaker 2:If you are sort of feeling like, oh, this is too much energy or I don't have time or whatever, I think that it very much happens and I believe this as a Christian that the devil fights you on things that are going to be good for you, or that you're going to grow in, or that are going to do things for the kingdom, I feel that so hard. There are so many times where I have not wanted to do something, but if I go and do it and force myself to go and do it, it has literally been the best thing, right, right. And I ask myself sometimes why is this? Why do I not even want? I don't even know why I don't want to do this, why am I hesitating? Why am I hesitating? And I really think that that happens a lot.
Speaker 1:It kind of makes me think of my friend, andrea, who within the last year our friendship has really developed and she's someone that I would probably say is maybe more introverted potentially. Or like it could be exhausting to have so many people in your life that you're trying to like dive into. And it was when my dad was really sick and we had to like go to the hospital and be with our different family and stuff. She was in our small group and she was like I'm bringing over this basket. It has food, it has snacks, it has water. Take it to the hospital with you so that your family can just be reenergized. You know what I mean. She did little things like that that maybe were hard for her. Not hard for her because obviously her love language, I think, is like giving gifts she gets filled from that but hard to like. Step into this potential new friendship, especially when I was in a place of like I have nothing to give you in return.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And over the year things have just like, continued to grow and flourish because she was willing to take that little step and be loving and kind and generous.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, Well, props to her for that, because I'm sure that she was feeling that, like I need to step out with this girl, and I do think that we get those nudges Promptings, yeah, yeah with people, promptings, yeah, yeah With people, and and being more attuned to that is something that I think comes along with stepping outside of the easy. Let's just pay attention to social media online, all the things that we're talking about, Like you can easily get to a place where your brain is only, like for lack of a better term numbed out from all of that and miss those kinds of nudges.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you really have to decide that you're going to be just be, in reality, be uncomfortable in silence, even sometimes.
Speaker 1:I think that's part of it too, we get part, we get bored and it's like, oh, I gotta be doing something. So we pull out our phone.
Speaker 1:Yep, sometimes I look at Tim move so, yeah, like sometimes I will open my phone and be like what was I even going to do nothing because I was just bored, you know? Yeah, but then it like takes away even from, like, our families. When we're at home with our kids, it's like you could be pouring a little bit more into your relationship with your kids, with your husband, you know, and I know that's how I feel more connected and more loved by them too, because when I'm doing those things and I'm making the effort but it's easier to not to get the technology out and expected and natural.
Speaker 2:Now everyone's just like, yeah, that's not a big deal, not a big deal at all. What are some action steps that we can take to get to a better place?
Speaker 1:yeah, I think if you're someone that maybe this is resonating with you're someone that maybe you're this is resonating with you, and you feel like you're struggling with realizing, like, okay, I am on the social media or my technology and, you know, start thinking about your thoughts or your behaviors that come up when we're spending more time doing that, and is it increasing your anxiety? Or do you have the FOMO, the fear of missing out, or are you comparing yourself to people more? You know? Start to think about your thoughts and also see how that comes out in your actions and then, instead of maybe picking up your phone, set a goal for yourself of, instead of constantly reaching for my phone or for my technology, set a goal of okay, when I'm tempted to do that, I'm gonna make sure this many times a day. Instead, I'm gonna tell somebody or just connect with someone, replacing this behavior of social media or technology with actual connection with another human and seeing how being mindful of that then helps your mental state yes, that way you don't have the artificial intimacy, the real stuff, and see how that makes change.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, and then join a community.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's a great place to start. What? What are some ways that someone could maybe, perhaps?
Speaker 2:join a community I mean a good one, I think really is you could go to a church, and my disclaimer here is you don't have to believe to go to church. There are plenty of churches that you can go to just to find volunteering type opportunities. You can connect with people who are ready to connect and want to find volunteering type opportunities.
Speaker 2:You can connect with people who are ready to connect and want to find a community you know, and are accepting of new people, and there's plenty of churches that you don't have to believe to belong, and I think that is a really cool way to dip your toe into.
Speaker 1:Go to a gym? Yeah, I mean, how many times do you hear stories of people like I met my best friend at the gym or I met my husband at a gym? Yeah, I mean, how many times do you hear stories of people like I met my best friend at the gym or I met my husband at the gym? I literally have friends that met at the gym, at the YMCA. You and then I had friends. My friend Julia, Her and her husband met at the YMCA and they got married. That's beautiful At the YMCA. At the.
Speaker 1:YMCA. Yes, at the YMCA. Oh, my goodness, julia, calling you out. You need to share your story, let everybody know. But, yeah, like finding something that maybe interests you or something that, like you're like, okay, I'm going to go to the gym because I know that it's like good for 30 minute walk and then, being consistent with that, maybe that could be an easy way to start getting that connectivity. That's not through technology. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2:I love both of those.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anywhere else. I mean, I think, finding something like you said that you're maybe interested in and then taking that step into it. Maybe you really enjoy sewing or crafting or that kind of thing. There's so many different places that you can sign up and do that kind of stuff and get out of your comfort zone maybe a little bit, but not enough that it's like I feel comfortable doing this thing. Maybe I'll meet some people through it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And I think that can form relationships pretty easily if you're open and willing to do that yeah, I think so too or even maybe another step is just calling, or, you know, for some of us texting is sometimes easier, because then we can respond when we have availability or there's not little children climbing on us, you know. But sending a text to, maybe, a friend that you know fills your cup and but maybe you haven't gotten to see that person in a while, and just reaching out and saying, hey, I really miss you. Let we need to get together, you know, and then taking steps together and just maybe even the accountability of, like, I love spending time with you and I think I need more of it. Can we make that happen?
Speaker 2:yeah, just saying that.
Speaker 1:I mean, that makes everybody feel good yeah, and just being real I mean for real, yeah, that's what life's about and that's how we grow in our relationships is when we're just real, that's right. We're ourselves, yeah. So I think just making time and space to have those meaningful connections is going to be super important If this is something that you find you're struggling with being intentional. We've talked about intentionality a lot. I think it's like a buzzword now, but you know, taking those action steps.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is something that's been really important to both of us, obviously, and that's why we have started the lovely dots podcast, because you know, yeah, we exist online and yeah, we exist on social media, and this is this where Lovely Dots is and it's home, and that's not what we're talking about as far as being offline, but we're trying to at least flip the script on something where everybody is most of the time right now, and that is bringing a realness back to where we're at online and on social media. So we'd love for you to join our community, we'd love to hear from you and hear how this podcast is affecting you or impacting you, and even if there are people that you can send it to to help them out, we'd love to hear their stories. So we just want to connect. Is really what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we may never meet you in person, but we know how special and how life-giving human connections can be, and sometimes it's not always possible to do in person to connect with somebody. But if we can create this community of people that are like-minded and want this positivity and are looking to know that they're loved and valued and seen just as they are, this is the place. Get on board, take this boat with us. We're going on it, we're taking it into the deep ocean, to the hard, the good, the bad, the ugly, but that's okay. That's real life. That's real life. So with that, we hope that you'll like or you'll share today's episode with somebody that you love or that could use this, and then find us on socials. Follow us, because we're going to be real. We hope to give you nothing but positivity, though, even in this realness.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well we just want to uplift. We do Not that we don't want to cover the bad, but let's be real Everyone needs to be uplifted.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, so go ahead and leave us a comment or a review about you know what you're struggling with or where you want to see yourself in 10 weeks from now, or just something so you can start getting connected with this community. We love you guys. We're so glad you're here with us.
Speaker 2:Catch you next time. Bye.